have it all (l.h)

"i think i'm finally getting it"

"What would you prefer?"

"Maddy's gonna be gone tonight, but she'll be here tomorrow, so... maybe yours tonight and mine tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that sounds great," Luke said with a nod. I found myself sighing as I thought about how Luke would be gone in a week from today. It didn't seem real—he had just come into my life, how was it fair that he would be leaving? "What're you thinking about, Jos?"

"This time next week," I said with a frown.

"Hey," Luke whispered before placing his hand on my cheek. "We're gonna get through this thing, you know? I'm gonna text you so often, that you'll probably think about blocking my number. It's not going to be the same, no, but we'll just adapt... and we'll make a new normal. Don't you think we can do that?" I placed my hand on top of Luke's hand and smiled as I looked at him.

"Yeah... we'll figure this thing out."

"And just think... if you actually decided to make this thing between us official—"

"Luke," I warned, causing him to immediately sigh. "I don't want to talk about that."

"I know you don't," Luke said before taking his hand from my face. I bit the inside of my cheek as I noticed his change in mood and I mentally cursed myself for being the reason Luke was anything other than happy. "Madalyn said that Jenna and Emma would be over soon—I should probably head out."

"Luke, please don't be upset with me."

"I'm not upset with you, Josie. We've had this conversation enough times, haven't we? We both know that I can't be upset with you for not wanting what I want—"

"You know it's not that I don't want the same thing, Luke... it's just not the right time for me."

"Okay, whatever—that's what I meant." Luke looked away from me and I sighed as I looked down at my food. "There's no part of you that thinks you might regret not starting something before we're separated? I mean... I hate to ask, but do you think some part of you is sort of happy that I'll be gone? You won't have the chance to break your routine of enjoying someone's presence for three weeks before losing interest—"

"Luke, stop," I told him as tears began to brim my eyes. He looked up at me and the look on his face instantly softened. "If you can't accept that you mean more to me than that, then you're an idiot. I don't know how else to explain to you that the only reason I'm not rushing into this before you leave is because I want things to last between us. I'm doing what I think is best because I want nothing more than to give you a fair chance." I looked away from Luke and gently shook my head. "You should probably go, you're right."

"Wait, Jos—"

"Seriously, Luke... I'll see you later." I glanced up to see Luke's jaw clenched as he looked away from me. I reached forward and placed my hand on his forearm. "I'm not upset with you, I just wish you could see things how I see them."

"I'm trying to, I promise." I placed my hand on Luke's cheek and leaned forward before placing my lips on his. He kissed me back, which calmed some of my recently developed nerves.

"I'll let you know when I'm heading over, okay? It might be late." Luke and I kept our foreheads close as I began to speak, and he nodded at my words.