Hold My Hand - A Civil War Love Story

Part 12: Nightmare

"Cathleen and Isabel quit sitting around like ducks and make yourself useful. You could be saving a young man’s life right now!" I look over to the opening of my tent and see Ms. Lillian waving her arms about in a foolish manner, trying to get our attention. We stand up and head outside only to find absolute chaos. Is this Hell? I think to myself. The once beautiful forests are burning all around us. The ground is no longer covered in vibrant green, but fried brown grass and ashes. Cannons and bullets are flying through the air and men are dying right around me. Their deaths are extremely gory. One man’s whole body combusts at the impact of a cannon. Another is literally burning alive.

I turn around to run back to my tent, but it has vanished. "Isabel? Ms. Lillian?" I call out. I look all around me, but they too have disappeared. I am now by myself, in the midst of battle and there’s no where to run.

Suddenly, I find single daisy at the bottom of my feet. It is the only thing in my whole view that is not being destroyed. I bend down and pick it up. Almost automatically I feel tranquility after picking the flower from the ground. It has white petals, and a yellow inside. I hold it up to my nose and close my eyes as I take in its scent.

As I open my eyes, I am taken to another scene. I am now at the top of the meadow that William and I first snuck off to. It’s thriving with grass, trees, and daisies. My feet begin moving almost by itself and I head down the hill. A figure comes into view. I can’t see the person, but I feel in my heart that it is William.

"William! Is it really you?" I call out hopefully. He doesn’t hear me at first, so I walk closer and yell louder. Finally I get his attention, his blue eyes light up and a big smile spreads across his face. "Cathleen." He whispers calmly, but somehow I can hear him from across the field.

The meadow immediately expands as we try to run to each other. Instead of being twenty feet away, he’s sixty. I try to run faster, but my legs turn to jelly and everything is now in slow motion. "William!" I attempt to shout, but nothing comes out. My voice is gone, and no matter how hard I try to yell, I can only hear a whisper escape my mouth.

William tries to run to me as well, but as he does he just gets farther and farther away. His face is no longer his sweet smile, but a look of panic and fear. He begins calling out my name, but I can’t respond. No longer calling my name, the ground stops expanding, and William and I can run again. He makes it up to me, and I extend my arms preparing for his loving embrace.

Instead, he continues running right past me. I turn around and run after him, and once he gets to the top of the hill he stops dead in his tracks. Finally I run up, and try to call out to William. He can still not hear me, so I reach out and try to turn him around. When I grab his shoulders and attempt to rotate him, he doesn’t budge. For some reason, William doesn’t even turn around or acknowledge me.

It’s like he can’t even see or feel me.

I walk in front of him, but he looks right through me. A look of confusion strikes William’s face, and he looks around almost like he is trying to figure out what he is doing here. Frustrated, I grab his arms, and try to shake him. Still nothing, his body doesn’t even budge. Tears begin to form and I go into a tantrum. I try everything to get William to notice me; I wave my arms around, kick him, and even strike him with my hand. At last resort, I lean in to kiss William.

As my lips meet his, sound comes back. A loud roar fills my ears, and I immediately pull away from William. Still, he was unphased by me but he hears the noise too, his eyes grow wide as he looks past me. I turn around and see a cannon heading straight to us. Time slows again, and we begin running. But for some reason, William is able to run full speed whereas I can barely lift my legs. "Help me William!" I shout frantically, but no voice again. Feeling the heat behind me, I crash down to the ground. William does the same and the cannon, now in full speed, whips past us.

We both stay clinging to the ground for a minute or two after the passing of the cannon. William slowly starts to stand up, but I stay down. He fixes his hat and uniform and looks around. Off in the forest, a twig snaps, but William doesn’t hear it. A gut feeling tells me it isn’t an animal, but an enemy. I slowly start to rise off of the ground and call out to William.

I look off to the left and see a man in a confederate uniform hiding behind a bush. I don’t fear for my safety, but for William’s. Nobody can see me, but William is in full view of the soldier. The confederate’s riffle rises and is now aiming towards William. Once again, time slows as I try to run and call out his name. The only thing that isn’t slowed down is the bullet that rips right through William’s heart.

My own heart stops, and I immediately awake. My mind goes a mile a minute as I try to figure out my surroundings. After looking around, I realize I’m in my new bed at Mr. Steel’s mansion. The awareness of where I am doesn’t slow down my heart or helps get my breathing back on track. All I can think about is William. Was this dream a way of God telling me he’s dead? I hope with all my heart that it was just a silly nightmare, as I wipe the tears away that have begun spilling out of my eyes.

Author's Note:  I know this wasn't really an important chapter, but I am still trying to plan out Mr. Steel's dinner with Cathleen and I wanted to update while I'm on break.  Next chapter will be more significant.  Thanks for reading :)