illicit affairs//mgg

seven

"He's married?" My best friend and coworker, Jen, gasps. She stops sweeping and stares at me with wide eyes. I ignore her while I help close up the cafe.

"You went to LA with a married man? You fucked a married man?" I look over to see her smiling slightly. I roll my eyes as I finish wiping the counters.

"...Yes." I mumble and she lets out a laugh.

"Does his wife know?"

"Of course not!" I exclaim, but it's a lie. Matthew hasn't texted me or come by the cafe since I left him at the hotel two weeks ago. I guess I really was just a toy for him. A game he played so effortlessly. Every time my phone buzzes or the bell to the cafe rings I'm filled with hope, just to be left in disappointment.

"Well...I don't know she might. I-I haven't heard from him since I left." I admit and tears brim my eyes. How could I be so stupid? How could I just let a man consume me and then toss me away?

"Oh, love," Jen walks over and gives me a hug, "I'm sure he's just busy. Or...maybe it's for the best. You deserve more than to be hidden and hushed away." She pulls away and gives me a comforting smile. I wish she were wrong. I do deserve better, but I don't want to lose him. I can't just forget about him.

"I'll finish this up. You clock out, go home, and have a self care night. I'll take your shift tomorrow. You deserve it." Jen takes the damp rag in my hands. I shake my head.

"I can't do tha-"

"I insist. Now leave." She jokingly demands. I don't deserve a friend like her, but this how we help each other. Ever since I started working here, Jen has been right by my side. We clicked instantly. I give her one last hug before I head out.

My apartment is cold and empty. Exactly how I've felt since I left Matthew. I scoff at myself.

Get him out of your head. He isn't thinking about you like you're thinking about him. Matthew doesn't care.

But what if he does?

I sigh as I take off my work clothes and step into my shower. I wish the water could just wash him away. His voice. His laugh. His eyes.

When I cut the water off I hear knocking on my door. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me nervous. I've watched enough crime shows to know that someone knocking on your door at night when you live alone isn't a good omen. I wrap myself in my towel before I peek through the peephole and my hand flies to my mouth. I pull the door open and a sweaty Matthew bombards me pulling me into a tight hug.

"Oh god, how I've missed you." He whispers into my ear. Relief and anger fill my body at the same time. It's good to know that he hasn't forgotten about me, but does he really expect me to welcome him after ignoring me for so long?

"Where have you been?" I ask and pull away to close the door behind him. I turn back around to see him staring right back at me.

"I've been caught up with work and Carr-" He stops himself from letting his wife's name leave his lips.

"Where is she now?" I ask and walk past him to my kitchen.

"Home. I told her I went on a run." He follows me. I feel his hand slip up to the small of my back, but I stop him.

Jen's voice telling me I deserve better racks through my brain.

"You should get back. You don't want her getting suspicious, do you?" I say bitterly as I fill my kettle with water. He stays quiet as he watches me pull out a mug and a tea bag.

"Don't b-"

"Don't be what? Annoyed? Angry? Upset? I think I'm allowed to be right now, Matthew. You just left me here sitting around waiting to hear from you like some pathetic idiot while you're living your perfect little life?" I finally turn around to face him. Guilt consumes his face. I can't tell if he feels guilty for ghosting me or for cheating on his wife.

"You're not pathetic or an idiot, and you know my life isn't perfect." Is all he says and I shake my head. I turn around when the kettle starts whistling. Silence fills the room as I take it off and pour the water, but I overshoot it and boiling water hits my hand.

"Shit!" I yell out and slam the kettle down.

"Hey, hey, let me see that." He takes my hand in his, but I rip it away.

"No, you can't do that." I say and clutch my throbbing hand to my chest.

"What? Help you when you're hurt?"

"No...y-you can't just waltz in here and be a hero after what you did." My voice cracks. I curse myself for breaking in front of him. We're both quiet just staring at each other.

"I'm sorry. I hate myself for making you feel like you don't mean anything to me." He gently takes my hands in his, "You mean...so much to me, Lydia."

I search his face. I can tell he's being sincere. He's being honest. Would I be completely stupid for falling for it? I just...I can't say no to him.

"Will you let me help you now?" He quietly asks and I nod my head. I lead him to my bathroom and grab my first aid kit from under the sink. I hop onto the counter and watch as he picks through the kit for what he needs. He stands between my knees while he delicately applies the burn cream onto my hand. I flinch slightly when he rubs against a tender spot. The throbbing ceases a little and he puts the supplies back.

"Thank you." I smile and place my hand next to me. Matthew lifts my chin with his index finger and his mocha eyes meet mine. He leans forward and places a gentle kiss onto my lips.

"I-I have to go..." He whispers. I want to beg him to stay. To lay next to me and hold me in his arms while I fall asleep, but he can't.

I nod my head and get off the counter. Matthew follows me to my front door.

"You work tomorrow?" He runs his fingers through my now damp hair.

"No, a friend took my shift." I look up at him. Stay the night. Please.

"Maybe...maybe we could spend the day together. You and me." He flashes me a comforting smile. I feel my heart flutter.

"Yeah...that sounds really nice." I look up at him. Sometimes I forget how drastic our height difference is.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He kisses me one for time before he leaves, and I'm left alone again.