Behind Closed Doors (Lams)

~7~ Embrace for impact.

A/N other characters stop making alex sad challenge (IMPOSSIBLE EDITION!)

TW: implied disordered eating, discussion of a past suicide attempt

John's hand was laying in the curve of a girl's waist, and Alex was sort of reeling. Eliza was saying something, her mouth against his ear, but to be completely honest, Alex couldn't focus on what she was saying. And nor did he really care.

"Are you even listening to me?" 

"Yeah, yeah," He nodded, the skin connecting his nail and finger now in between his teeth. The girl next to John giggled, and put her hand over her mouth as if she didn't want him to see her smile or hear her laugh- as if he even could. It was so damn loud in Soho. It's a wonder he could even think.

"What did I say, then?"

Alex took his thumb away from his mouth. Shook his head. "I'm sorry, it's really loud in here. I zoned out."

Eliza's eyes flickered to Lafayette, who was trying to convince Angelica to buy what was quite possibly the ugliest shirt she'd ever seen. She laughed. "Are you still coming on vacation with us in the summer?"

Alex shrugged. "I haven't even asked."

"Tell Martha that I'm responsible and I'll take care of you. I swear I am."

That made him laugh a little, but he still couldn't tear his eyes away to look back at her. "I don't want to bother you. Have you asked your dad?"

"He wants you to go. He loves you."

Alex frowned, "I've met him once."

"He says you're polite."

"Am I?" He laughed. John looked over at him, and Alex put out his hands to gesture his annoyance. He felt sort of like shit, but there was no use in letting anyone else know that. John shot back a look of apology. "I'll think about it."

"Please do." She took him by the arm, picking up a pair of earrings. "I think you'll like it."

"It sounds like my personal idea of hell."

"Oh, good, you can get some practice in for the real thing." Eliza smiled, and Alex rolled his eyes. The girl shared a look with her friend and walked away from John with a wave, and he wandered back over to them. Eliza left them alone to pay.

"How you holding up, hot stuff?" He asked, leaning against a wall with a smile. Alex huffed out a laugh, and it thrilled John in a way that was almost concerning.

John was so obviously joking. They'd done this hundreds of times. And yet something about the way he'd said that rubbed Alex the wrong way. He forced a laugh. "You're hitting on me now instead? What, did she not want you?"

Alex half-expected John to hit him, but when he looked at him again he found that he was already looking back at him first. A little smile was breaking through and it made Alex sort of want to smile, too. "Don't be stupid. Everyone wants me."

Alex winced. "You are so far up your own ass."

"I can have anyone I want." John shrugged, over-exaggerating his own confidence, and Alex's eyebrows were drawn together in a way that made his disbelief painfully obvious. His reaction was enough to make the joke worth it.

Smiling, Alex leaned back against the shelf and looked up at him. "And yet you're here talking to me."

John's neck burned like a rash was crawling up his skin. He looked at him for a moment, blankly.

"Alex! John! Let's go!"

Alex gestured outward with his thumb, all casual, and John nodded. There was something in his throat like fear as he walked. Fear in case Alex had become a mind-reader overnight, and now he knew all of the fucking embarrassing things that John thought about daily. Like if the rash on his leg was normal, and how many times per week he should shave, and, even worse, if he was actually capable of loving.