Behind Closed Doors (Lams)

~28~ Was such a thing possible?

A/N tooth rotting fluff. disgusting fluff. call your dentist after reading this fluff.

this chapter was literally supposed to be a short filler but i started writing and it turned out to be like 3.6k words i'm so sorry

TW: sexual assault mention, trauma mention

Alex allowed himself a moment of staring, vision blurring at the light his phone screen as he fought to keep his eyes open, but he supposed that was his fault for forcing himself to wake up at four in the god damn morning. That was one of the many many things that he didn't miss about attending school, but he had exams today, ones that he couldn't get out of. The alarm was switched to silent and he begrudgingly pushed himself upright, hand on his head as the lightheadedness immediately began to kick in. He noted the empty space on the right side of his bed, which John had claimed as his own ever since he began to stay over more often. Alex wasn't sure when it happened, but apparently that was his spot now, and it simply felt weird to sleep on that side ever since. He'd also started to leave clothes in the room, claiming that Alex wore "boring" and "baby sized" clothes, which was ironic considering that they both had a similar style, and it wasn't like Alex was that much shorter.

Aside from clothes, items such as shampoo, conditioner, a toothbrush and the occasional skincare product seemed to infiltrate his bathroom cabinet. Alex didn't exactly mind. He liked seeing them, liked finding little bits and pieces of John everywhere when the other boy wasn't around.

As a response, Alex had initially cleared out a drawer specifically for John so that he wouldn't keep confusing Alex with the number of random items he left behind. He didn't admit this out loud, but the way his face flushed red when opening the empty drawer said more than enough.

John didn't stop teasing him for a week.

"You want me to move in? Shack up together and adopt another dog perhaps?" He grinned.

"I want you and your monstrous clothes to leave my house, clearly this was a mistake."

"Too late, we're staying. When do I get my own key? And we need to do something about your room, 'cause it's boring. Needs more colour. You should definitely steal some plants from Benjamin. I'm gonna start thinking about dog names too."

"What's with the need for a new dog? Do you miss your own kind that much?"

"That's no way to talk to your new husband, Alexander."

Yeah, Alex despised John sometimes.

And that's what always kept him coming back.

He entered the bathroom and the door clicked shut behind him, the room turning black in the dark.

His reflection was... weird, and it frightened him. Where was the light switch again? Alex was afraid to touch it. Alex really was scared of the bathroom, all of a sudden. He wanted to put a big sticker over the mirror- stop it.

Imagine that. Not even being able to look at yourself.

He decided that he shouldn't bother turning on the light. After all, he'd always preferred to shower in the dark instead.

The water was turned on, the maximum heat setting, and he sat inside as he waited for it to heat up, curling against the floor of the shower impatiently, the cold water shooting daggers into his back.

Bitterly, he swallowed down the bile clawing at his throat, and hugged his waist, a shudder raising the hair on his arms. The water was harsh, reminded him of nails biting into flesh, crescents forming. His chest pushed and pulled with shaky heaves of breaths, echoing in the small space. Smaller than usual, suffocating.