Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Chapter 35

After what feels like an eternity, Tobias and Cecilia regain their senses and look at me with a different expression then I expected.

Pity is all I can see on their kind faces, and I want to slap it off. How can they feel anything but disgust for the monster that I was, that I still am at times?

Yet, I shouldn't be as shocked by their reactions. Tobias killed the woman he loved by accident, and Cecilia ended up killing that human because of me. Still, I can't understand how they can be so utterly understanding and kind.

It's annoying, especially for someone like me who has used her kindness sparsely, if ever.

"And you hid the fact from Alarcos?" Cecilia asks gently.

"Yes, of course, I did! What was I supposed to tell him. 'Oops, I killed your family, my bad!'" I say, angry at her, at myself.

"Calm down, Helen. We are on your side." Tobias says soothingly.

"I know you are, but why? Wouldn't you want to take revenge on those who made you kill Celeste? Wouldn't you want Alarcos to have the same privilege?" I ask more harshly than I intended.

I can see him flinch away from my words, but instead of brushing my questions away as I would have, he seems to ponder them seriously.

"No, I don't think so. I mean, if those guys were hurting other people, I would stop them, but I wouldn't murder them in cold blood. I wanted to, for the longest time, but I know that Celeste wouldn't have wanted me to do that.

"She always used to say that everyone deserved a second chance. And I guess that's especially true for vampires since some of us learn to be better with time." Tobias says.

"Celeste was a smart woman," Cecilia says, placing a comforting hand on Tobias' shoulder.

"I agree that most people deserve a second chance, but that's especially true for you, Helen. You have been through so much, and yet here you are, with us, helping us, protecting us." Cecilia says.

"You should know that I have my own selfish motives for being here," I say honestly.

"I know you think you do, but I saw how much you care about Tobias, and you would be here with us anyway," Cecilia says confidently.

I don't agree with her. If I didn't have any use of being here, I don't think I would have followed them on this perilous journey.

"Are you okay?" Cecilia says, clearly referring to the fact that Seymour obviously made his choice.

"I am peachy," I say, trying to smile.

My attempt fails miserably since even I can feel that I resemble a shark showing off its teeth more than I do a vampire who is doing well.

"What do we do now?" Tobias asks.

I am grateful for the change of subject. Though I am not sure if Tobias did it because he was feeling awkward or because he wanted to help me, I feel grateful.

"We go on," I say confidently.

"What about Seymour?" Cecilia asks with the same cautious tone that I despise.

It's the tone which implies that if she asked any more questions, I would break, and I resented that. Still, commenting can only lead to hurt, so I choose to go past it.

"He'll join us if he can. I'll leave him a secret trace that others can't track so that if he does come back, he can catch up with us easily." I say.

If I am being honest with myself, I don't think he will come back, they won't come back. I am doing all this to trick myself into believing they will.

But when I think about it, why would Seymour come back?

He has the person he loves the most with him. Why would he come back to us when all he can find in our company is danger?

"Alright then, that settles it. When do we leave?" Tobias asks me.

"I say we leave immediately. There is no time like the present." I say, trying to sound optimistic.

The truth is, I want to leave this place as soon as possible since it has brought me nothing but pain. My hope is that leaving it might erase my memory of everything that happened, of the lost loves and broken hearts.

"It sounds good to me. Let's go!" Tobias says.

Then we all start gathering up the books and the map. Soon enough, we set off in the direction of Healers, or at least I hope that's the case since we can't confirm the authenticity of the map with any certainty.

It would be good that at least one thing goes as planned since everything seems to be going downhill recently.

Tobias takes the lead, and I follow at a distance that is close enough to help if there is trouble but far enough to indicate that I am not in the mood to talk.

Of course, not everyone takes the hint as Cecilia falls in step with me.

"Helen, are you really okay? I know you cared about Seymour..." Cecilia says.

"And how do you know that?" I ask defensively.

"Well, I know you had a lot of history together..." Cecilia starts to say.

"That was a long time ago," I interrupt harshly.

"Wasn't he trying to get back together with you?" Cecilia asks, confused.

"No, you misunderstood," I say.

And apparently so did I. We all managed to miss what our hearts were telling us. Like the fact that Seymour's heart was telling him to get back together with his ex, but not with this one, not with me.

"He was just trying to make it up to me for what he did back then, trying to gain me back as a friend. His heart has always belonged to Alarcos, and it always will," I say.

"I see," Cecilia says, although I can tell she is not convinced.

"If you'll excuse me. I need to check a few things with Tobias," I say, running ahead before she has the time to say anything.

"Tobias, what do you think we can expect? Will they be dangerous?" I ask though it is not something I worried too much about.

At that moment, all I wanted to do was just escape Cecilia and her questioning. Thus, I latched on to the first topic that made sense.

"I don't think so, especially that it is only the three of us, now," he says.

"What do you mean?" I ask, now genuinely curious.

"Well, with Seymour and Alarcos with us, the vampire blood would have be predominant, thus could be sensed as danger. This way, with only one vampire and our vampire-diluted blood, we should be fine," he says.

"Would it be more helpful if you went by yourselves?" I ask, dreading his answer.

"No, I don't think so. You are much better at tackling problems if they arise. If the two of us went alone, there would be better chances of us getting hurt than anything else if they do turn out to be hostile," he says.

I am utterly relieved to hear that they need me, that there are at least some people who need me in their lives.

I often feel lonely (although I would never admit it) and underappreciated. That might be one of the reasons I clung on to Seymour so tightly. Whatever happened between us, he always managed to see the true me and accept me as I am.

Losing that, the one person who made me feel worthy is a much bigger problem than my lingering feelings for him, I might or might not have.

Having so much to say but rarely being heard can be so painful and isolating, something I don't wish on my worst enemies.

Realizing that I am appreciated, after all, gives me a new strength to go on. As a matter of fact, I do so with a bounce in my step.