Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Chapter 15

What am I supposed to do? Tell him the truth and be torn apart by one vampire that never got to see that terrible side of me, the one vampire whose opinion is not tarnished by the knowledge of all the horrible things I've done?

Am I supposed to allow myself to be murdered for the sins committed by the other me, by me who didn't know any better, who was confused? Would the right thing to do be to let myself be slaughtered for the monstrosities I had done in the past?

Whatever the right answer might be, I don't care. Selfish or not, all I know is that I don't want to die, and telling the truth would be the same as signing my death sentence.

Perhaps Tobias or Cecilia would have done the right thing. Maybe they would have sacrificed themselves, or allowed themselves to be punished for what they had done, but not me.

I refuse to admit my mistakes if they will lead me to death.

I mean let's be honest, self-preservation is the most important thing. While I sympathize with the emotional pain Alarcos is going through, I sympathize even more with the physical pain death would entail and refuse to admit anything.

"Helen, are you okay?" Seymour asks.

The worry in his voice makes me feel something I haven't felt in a while, guilt.

I've spent centuries trying to escape from my dark past, and here is the victim of my thoughtless actions standing in front of me. I guess it's true what they say about never being able to escape your past.

My way of dealing with emotions, in general, has always been to suppress them, move them into the attic of my mind, and never visit the said attic. Now, Alarcos has put before me the worst of misdeeds of my past, and I am feeling anything but okay.

"I am fine. It's just such a sad story," I lie.

Knowing me as well as he does, Seymour doesn't seem to believe in my excuse for even a second, but he lets it go. That's what I love the most about him when he sees that I am hiding something from him he never pries, he lets me come to him when I am ready.

"Do you know anything about this? Have you ever heard any vampires bragging about it?" Alarcos asks, hopefully.

I don't want to lie to him, but telling the truth is not an option. Still, I want to think of something to say that is not a lie, something that would help him and not condemn me.

"I have lived for such a long time. I have so many memories..." I say vaguely.

Alarcos seems to want to ask more, he doesn't seem to understand that my answer is a lame attempt to end the conversation for the time being. At least until I have some answers to offer him.

"Give her some time to think," Seymour tells Alarcos.

Although hesitant, Alarcos agrees, and I hurry off without another word as they follow behind.

Seymour hugs Alarcos, and they walk at a human pace while I hurry off ahead of them. In normal circumstances, I might have been jealous of the hug, but as it is, I feel like I owe it to Alarcos to at least keep my jealousy at bay. After everything I have done to him, this would be a small thing in comparison.

We are almost home when I notice that Seymour and Alarcos are falling behind. I am not sure if my behavior has offended them or if they were on to me, so I approach them cautiously.

"What's happening?" I ask.

"I think I should let you have a chat with your friends on your own. It would be weird if I tagged along." Alarcos says.

"I am sure they wouldn't mind, but perhaps it's better that way since I am not sure how they will react to the news," I say.

The truth is I am sure that Tobias and Cecilia would be nothing but kind to a newcomer but this gives me a perfect excuse to spend some time away from Alarcos. It will give me some time to think of exactly what I should tell him.

All I know is that I have to tell him something. I can't keep the whole truth quiet it would be too cruel.

"Shall we meet up tomorrow?" I ask.

Even though I am addressing Alarcos, my eyes look everywhere but at him. It feels like if I were to look him in the eye, I would be tempted to tell him the whole truth, and I can't allow for that to happen.

"Sure. And maybe by tomorrow, you will be able to remember if you know the vampires who slaughtered my family." Alarcos says.

Seeing such a mixture of pain and hope on a most dangerous predator makes me even more determined to give him some kind of closure. However, all I do is nod my head in agreement.

As he speeds away, I can feel Seymour looking at me from head to toe, judging my mood and what could be making me act so weird.

"Are you sure you are okay? You seem a bit off," he says.

"Aren't you kind with your compliments? Enough to do the impossible, to make a vampire blush." I say, dripping with sarcasm.

"You know that's not what I meant, but I know you, and I can tell when something is wrong." He says.

"I am just worried about how this conversation will go, that's all." I lie.

"Fine. You don't have to tell me. Just know that I am here if you ever need to talk." He says.

Honestly, if anyone else had said that, I would've slapped them so hard their head would turn because I hate those kinds of expressions. Probably because they are just cliches that mean nothing.

However, I can tell that Seymour is being honest, and it melts some of the ice that I have around my heart to hear he cares so much about me.

How did I manage to go from using him and hating him to appreciating him in one day? It's beyond any rational comprehension, but it's the truth.

As we enter the house, my hopes that we would have some time to prepare for the talk, are crushed by the fact that Cecilia and Tobias are home. If I am being honest, they seem to be in the middle of the lovey-dovey state they were often in before they heard our approach and started pretending they were just chatting.

Honestly, they are worse than teenagers, and perhaps a serious conversation would be good to cool them down a bit.

"Helen, Seymour, where have you been? We were starting to get worried." Tobias said.

As if. They didn't even notice we were away until we came in, but I am not about to argue with him when I need to tell him a few life-changing things.

"We've been to the Cemetery of the Ancients," I say, getting straight to the point.

"Why would you go there?" Tobias asks.

Cecilia, on her part, doesn't say anything, and I am pretty sure that she has no idea what we are talking about. It's shocking sometimes to remember how truly young she is.

"That is a long story, and it's about you two," I say.

"We are all ears," Tobias says with a smile.

I am pretty sure that he won't be smiling once I finish the story, but I think it's better to rip off the bandaid as soon as possible.