Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Chapter 33

I am not sure how long I stay in the embrace of the man who betrayed me, the same man whom I've even contemplated murdering, but I know that we both need it.

I am a strong independent vampire, but even I need someone to hold me from time to time. It's not a weakness, it's human nature, and since we are born human, it lingers in our essence, even when we are no longer as human.

After a while, I can feel him relaxing, his tears subsiding. It is just the perfect moment for me to open up to him, to share what I never thought I would be able to share.

For the first time I can remember, I am terrified. The truth is bound to change how Seymour sees me, and I am not sure I am ready for that.

However, I need at least one person to see me for what I am, all my virtues and flaws, and to accept me.

I've never realized before how much I need just one person to care enough for me to go past my transgressions, for one person to know that I am not perfect but accept me nevertheless.

"Seymour," I say, gently breaking the hug.

"Yes?" he says calmly.

I can see that he is back to normal, and I am not sure if I want to destroy his tranquility again. It seems selfish to do so after everything he has told me. Yet, I feel like there won't ever be a better time to do so.

"There is something I need to tell you," I say.

"You know that you can tell me anything, Helen. You've always been there for me, and now that I've told you such a terrible thing about myself, you still chose to comfort me instead of running away," he says, stroking my cheek tenderly.

I pull away from his touch. Not because it's unwelcome but because I fear that the pain of remembering his gentleness would be too much to bear when he rejects me as his friend.

"I think that what I have to tell you will make you hate me. That you will walk away from me and never come back," I say honestly.

"Oh, come on, Helen, it can't be worse than what I did," Seymour says, trying to reassure me.

"In a way, it is. Objectively speaking, my death toll might be lower, but the identity of my victims will appall you." I say.

"What do you mean? Nothing that you say can change the way I feel about you." Seymour says.

From his tone, I can sense that he is talking about more than just a friendship, and I can't stand it.

"I killed Alarcos' family!" I blurt out.

He is stunned into silence, so I choose to let it all out and hope for the best.

"The family that I told you about, my first kill, that was his family. When he told us the story of how his family died, I realized that I was the monster he was describing." I say, covering my face with my hands.

I try to hide from the truth, from the memories that keep bombarding my mind. However, I am trapped. There is no way out.

Before I can get lost in the labyrinth of pain, regret, and fear, Seymour gently pulls my hands away from my face. Nevertheless, I avoid looking him in the eyes because I am terrified of what I might find in their depths.

"Helen, look at me," Seymour says gently.

The tenderness in his voice coaxes me to lift my gaze, bracing for the worst. To my utter shock, all I see is understanding.

For some reason, that makes me furious. How can Seymour be so understanding after I've told him that I was the one who destroyed the life of the man he loves.

"Helen, you can't blame yourself. You were out of control. You didn't know any better. Besides, it's not like you chose to murder his family. Your sire did. Your only mistake was that you trusted the wrong vampire, but even that is normal for a young vampire," he says, lifting my chin when I try to avoid his gaze once more.

"We are vampires, Helen. I am sure that over time, we have destroyed many lives, broken up many families. The fact that this one happened to be the family of the man I loved doesn't change anything," he says.

"But..." I try to say.

"No. You didn't even know Alarcos or his family at the time, neither did I. Even you aren't the same person that you were back then. I can't hold you accountable for what that Helen did." Seymour says.

"But I can," the voice I least want to hear at that moment, says.

"I can't believe that I thought you ever cared about me. If you cared, you wouldn't be standing here, comforting my family's killer. You would be ripping her apart!" Alarcos yells at Seymour.

I am frozen in shock because he is right. Seymour should be avenging the death of Alarcos' family and not trying to console me. I don't deserve that, and all three of us know it.

"Alarcos, I..." Seymour starts to say, but Alarcos' glare stops him.

"And you!" he says, pointing his shaking finger in my direction.

"Not only did you murder my parents in cold blood, but you also lied to me. You pretended to be my friend to take advantage of me, to use my skills for your benefit. Wasn't taking my whole life away from me enough for you? Did you have to torture me with your fake friendship as well?" he screams.

"Alarcos, it's not like that. I didn't mean..." I try to say.

"You know what? I don't know what you meant or didn't mean. My family's killer is standing right in front of me, and it's high time I keep my promise." Alarcos says his sharp teeth sliding out.

"Alarcos, it doesn't have to be like that. We can talk. You have to calm down. Helen didn't..." Seymour says before he is cut off by Alarcos.

"No, no more talking. I loved you, you know. When I found you again, I still loved you, and this cruel vampire even made me think you still had feelings for me. Now I see that's all just a sick game you two play. I guess you deserve each other after all, and I am relieved I no longer love a monster." Alarcos says.

I am shocked by his words. It would have never even occurred to me to do something as cruel as that, but having in mind our current situation, I can understand why he would think us capable of something as vile as that.

Before I have the chance to process everything he said, to find a way to explain things, a low growl fills the air. The next thing I see is Alarcos pouncing at me.