Child of Hades

28. Enlightenment

I encouraged KM-13 to leave the ship with the help of my gun. He laughed but decided not to kill me for reasons beyond my understanding.

After this dreadful mishap on earth, I chose to spend some time roaming around space in Hubris. I had no motivation to go back to work and I was sick of KM-13. I had been diligent in finding the bare minimum of effort necessary to keep myself afloat, high on a ship in space. Rather than going back to work, I sold one of my avatars in an online auction, sending him off with a drone.

All by myself, I used a microdose of Hibiscus to stimulate my imagination and open a portal to the past. I could see myself with Cat, Ribbit, and Arto. I had always liked Cat's hair best at the orphanage. Long, brown waves, and an authentic friend. Hands that could grab my cheeks without scratching me. Ribbit I imagined as he was in the night after I first saw death: Holding my hands patiently and caringly, waiting for the day that we would share laughter again. I saw Arto's face as I remembered it right before we kissed. Warm and longing, safe and welcoming, innocent, and pure.

Eventually, the memories made me feel sick, as my illusion dissolved into bitter reality.

So I focused on the sights in front of me or on simulations. I played a simulation that I had once played with Cat, a training simulation in Hades's school. It was strange the way I connected to strangers through a network. Some were on my team and some were not. If we met in real life, I am certain many of them would have tried to kill me. But I would kill them faster. I had probably killed someone they knew, anyways.

The distractions could only take me so far. Sooner or later I came back to the memories. Memories were perchance a worse drug than all else.

Amid waves of highs and lows, I threw up a couple of times. I was not in good shape. Thanks to my savings I still had an avatar for doing groceries. The worth of my body may have been greater to me if it had been my only one.

The thought of killing myself crossed my mind more than once. But I had fought very hard to stay alive to this point. It would have been quite a waste if I died now. It was not like Chaus to dwell on guilt. I questioned who I am. Where would I ever find myself?

Perhaps, if I visited mother Nyx? It was laughable really, me embarking on a spiritual journey. But the memories would not leave and with the incessant questions. How could I have changed things? Did I have to be alone? Why did I want Love? Was there ever a way outside of Chaus? Could there ever be another me? And who was I?

I finally succumbed to my more sentimental side and flew to Tartarus to visit the temple of Nyx. It would have been safer to go there when Hades was not searching for me. I overcame my innit fear for the sake of drawing a nostalgic and sentimental value back into my life.

My avatar was dressed in shabby clothes, like a servant of one of the many warlords would have been. He was male, but that did not make him safe from being mugged, raped, or worse. At least I had an avatar. Nyx would have liked me being invisible, I'm sure of it.

Tartarus was brimming with slums overshadowed by huge skyscrapers. Filth underneath the prosperous.

The richest of the rich next to the poorest of the poor. Death and Privilege. Clarity and Deception. Everyone prefers deception. It's a gift of Nyx herself to shroud ugliness with darkness.

Nyx's temple was made of black stones, built in a cathedral gothic style. The entrance was guarded by a tough-looking bodyguard, dressed in Chaus-black. He was wearing a black hood, shrouding everything but his eyes. I was not sure if he killed anyone trying to enter, as was Chaus tradition. It was also possible that he would have taken a bribe. I used a realistic-looking hologram to draw his attention and snuck by him. The door made a noise as I opened it, but I had anticipated it so the hologram obscured the noise.

There was little light inside the temple, only candles. The corridors were wide enough. They surrounded the arch of the temple, built in a rectangular shape.

The temple was guarded by her priests and priestesses, many of them were blind. Their heightened senses were perhaps as good as mine, so I did not bother trying to sneak by them. Even though there is much conflict on my home planet, most of us agree that there is value in praising Nyx. Most of the guards pretended to ignore me but I knew they were observing me.

On the sides of the corridor were many statues of Nyx. She had wings. I did not know that.

Underneath every statue was a quote from Nyx's scriptures written in golden letters.

"Subduer of Gods and Men, everyone stands in awe of her.", read one sign. Inspirational?

"Night Mother, caring for every child of Chaus.", read another. Comforting?

"In the beginning, there was Nyx" I felt great comfort being as close to my childhood hero as I had ever been.

"Royal and beautiful Mother, rescue us", I supposed it was any orphans dream. And there were few Chaus that were not orphans. Who raises a child in this world? Out of love? It just is not Chaus.

"Are there any sermons?", I asked one of the priests.

"Every midnight there is.", he replied. "Are you in faith?"

"Nyx means something to me.", I said. His eyes were empty and black, he did not look at me while speaking.

"You can connect to our private network. We will keep you updated about all our events.", he opened his mouth in what must have been his version of a smile.

"Sure.", I said.