Quest Reviews (CLOSED FOR CATCH UP)

Questint's review

Like I said, it improved significantly as the story went on. Let's look at the major plot points in chapter 14 for example.

1. The relationship between Michael, Crystal, Adrian and Alix are emphasised by showing their interaction.
2. We get to know the healing rate of warriors is unpredictable (I'm assuming this is an important plot point which might be referenced later on)
3. Michael reveals Crystal as the new queen and Crystal joins the clan.

Can you see how the reduction in the number of ideas that you put forth in a chapter improves it's quality so much? Because you took so much time to explore each of these things, you allowed the readers to get into the story more and make a connection.

My favourite paragraph in the whole story was "She stood still staring at the glass in her hand..." The end was so good.

The time you took to describe each of the plot points really allowed me to connect with them in the last chapter.

I hope you consider doing this for the initial chapters too.

My suggestion:

Take a look through all your chapters and list down each major plot point. This will probably take you five minutes to do. Once you have all the major plot points listed, go through them and analyze which of those are important enough to get a full chapter on their own. I would say a lot of your ideas have enough potential to be stretched into 1000+ words. This can be done by including more descriptions and dialogue. This really helps the readers to connect with the story and picture it for ourselves.

Originality of ideas:

When I first read the few initial chapters, I assumed it was just another vampire romance. But you really proved me wrong. There is no book which is entirely devoid of clichés and its how the author twists them that matters. When I read your premise, I was curious as to how you were going to put your own spin on it because it's pretty hard to do it in a vampire romance. Wattpad has so many of them.

But you really delivered. The whole thing with the commoners, aristocrats, warriors and royals was so inspired. You really blew me away.

It's something I haven't really come across before and I thought that was something truly unique. It just raised the enjoyability so much for me. I think this really has to be appreciated.

WRITING STYLE: (CREATIVE)

In this section I'll talk about descriptions dialogue, flow and prose.

Dialogues:

Your dialogues are fine, I don't have much suggestion to offer. There is always room for improvement when it comes to anything, but presently dialogue is not a major point of concern, it works.

Descriptions

When it comes to descriptions, I found them severely lacking. But that's only in the first few chapters like I mentioned before. The last chapter showed amazing improvement and the way you described the last paragraph as Crystal joins the family is seriously good writing.

My suggestion to improve description:

First off, we need to understand the purpose of descriptions. They are main aspect of the story which takes us into the world that the author has created. And there are two genres which really rely on descriptions more than the others: Science fiction and fantasy.

So being a fantasy writer it's of utmost importance you give us enough descriptions because you are introducing new worlds to us that we aren't familiar with.