Just Passing

18. Halloween

Halloween is on a Thursday, so it's a school night. "I guess no late night parties for me," I joke to Jessica before hustling to my car after the last school bus leaves. Although, not even the young and childless will be out late tonight. At least not outside.

Eastern Equine Encephalitis, otherwise known as EEE, has swept through the state, and local communities have recommended that everyone be inside by six P.M. to avoid mosquitos. Spencer's day care hasn't even been having outside recess for the past month. It's almost ironic that we're waiting for a hard freeze before we can spend time outside. Especially because I hate the cold.

This is the first year where the kids are old enough to trick-or-treat. Last year Spencer dressed up, but he didn't understand why. He refused to wear his cowboy hat, and after ringing our neighbor Susan's door, he decided he wanted to go back home. Nora will probably be like that this year, but maybe not. Spencer has been talking a lot about Halloween, and she might just follow his lead.

As soon as I get home we will get the kids changed and out the door.

I'm awed by all the Halloween decorations I see on my drive. Every other house seems to have some blown-up monstrosity waving and bouncing on the front lawn: big ghosts billowing in the breeze, witches with cauldrons, a Snoopy sitting on a pumpkin. People have flashing green, purple, and orange lights. Large decorative spiders climb garden terraces. Cobwebs hang from windows. And of course, every porch has at least a few jack-o-lanterns, usually next to several flower pots with orange or red mums. It seems like people are really doing it up this year.

Our house has some decorations, but with two toddlers, it's nothing fancy. Definitely not up to snuff. Hopefully when the kids are a bit older they'll help me make the place look a little more spooky.

My dad and I used to make our own decorations for our house. None of that store-bought nonsense for the Grahams. We made a paper-mache severed head to put on the candy platter and we built a life-sized scarecrow to stand in the front yard. One year we used plywood to make a giant archway in front of our porch and painted it to look like you were walking into a giant monster's mouth. My dad has a soft-spot for B horror movies, so he'd always have ideas, and I was more than happy to help.

Halloween was my favorite holiday growing up. And it wasn't because I loved candy, which I did, and still do. No, it was because I could be anything for a day. Maybe some girls feel pressure to dress up like princesses or whatever, but my dad has always loved creepy-crawly things. So, along with the over-the-top decorations, he also always helped me make totally rad costumes. In elementary school I was, in order: Count Dracula, a decomposing zombie, a werewolf, an evil leprechaun, a badass pirate, and finally, in 5th grade I was Ash from Evil Dead. How did my parents not realize I was trans when I was five and wanted to be Count Dracula, complete with a bow tie and blood dripping down my mouth?

I stopped caring so much about the gross-factor by the time I was in middle and high school, but I still loved dressing up. It didn't matter what I was – a cowboy, a 50s movie star, or a beach bum – I always had to have facial hair as part of my costume. Using scissors, I'd trim the ends of my hair and then apply stubble with spirit gum. That was a trick I learned after I initially tried to glue ground pepper to my cheeks and chin and it burned like fucking hell. I also used mascara brushes and eyeliner pencils to darken whatever peach fuzz I had. When I was sixteen I went out and bought a "real" fake mustache. Halloween was a night of dressing in drag, and it was the best.

Funny how obsessed I was with facial hair, yet now that I am actually capable of growing a beard, I am almost always clean-shaven.

I just hope that my kids will love Halloween as much as I did. Everyone can use a night of being whatever their heart-desires, even cisgender people. And tonight, our heart desires to be the Tiger Family.

As I pull into the driveway and get out of the car I marvel at how warm it is. Unseasonably warm. No need to cover our costumes with heavy coats. I'm sure that makes the early curfew even more annoying for the older kids.

"Don't judge me," she says as a way of greeting as I open the door. It's barely four P.M. and Tiffany already has the kids strapped into their chairs and is stuffing ronis into their mouths. The Halloween episode of Daniel Tiger is playing on her phone, which is propped up in the middle of the table.

"Who's judging you? It's a holiday. Different screen time rules apply, right?" After kicking off my shoes and putting my bag on the floor I kiss both kids on the head. "Oh, I love this episode. Dress up day!"

I turn to kiss Tiffany, but she stops me. "No kiss until you wash up, mister. We're on a strict timeline."

"Yes ma'am." I roll up my sleeves and walk over to the kitchen sink. "So, what was decided? Are we going over to trick-or-treat with Sheila?"

"No, Emily is actually going to go to a Halloween party this year instead of going out. So, Sheila will be staying in this year."

"Isn't Emily too young to skip trick-or-treating? She's seven."

"It's because of triple E. I think it's going to be a quiet night. Who knows how long we'll even be out." Tiffany turns her attention back to the kids, who are almost done with their bowls. "Okay guys, Daddy's home. Almost time to go trick-or-treating! Just a few more bites!"

I go get into my costume while the kids are still occupied. Dad Tiger is pretty straightforward. I bought yellow sweatpants and used brown duct tape to make stripes along the legs. Then, I just put on a blue hoodie that I already owned and a pair of cheap cat ears. I don't bother with face paint. And once I put on my blue sneakers, that's it. Easy peasy.

Spencer's Daniel Tiger costume is almost the same as mine, except that Daniel has a red sweatshirt and sneakers. Nora's Margaret costume only requires her to wear a yellow dress over tiger-striped leggings. It's Tiffany's outfit that probably required the most creativity. We bought a white scrub top and sponged lavender fabric paint to Hawaiin-style flowers down the front. Bluejeans, purple flats, and cat ears finish off the look.

"We look awesome," I exclaim once we're all dressed.

Spencer and Nora both have huge grins. "Let's go!" he says, vibrating with excitement.

"Oh my gosh, we have to try and get a family portrait," Tiffany says as she whips out her phone.

We try to squish together, but our faces just fit in the frame. The kids have actually kept their cat ears on, but it just doesn't capture how fabulous we look. I want to show my dad how I've continued the tradition of rad costumes. Too bad we're not meeting up with Sheila. She could've helped up get a good shot.

"Let's go, let's go, let's go!" come the demands.

"Ok, first let's put on bug spray and then let's go," Tiffany agrees.

First stop: Susan's. Spencer practically pulls me up the two stairs to her front stoop. Nora toddles behind with Tiffany, but is just as excited.

"Oh my, what do we have here? Are you a cat?" Susan asks as she opens her door.

"We're the Daniel Tiger family," I correct her. "What do you say, Spence -oh- I mean, Daniel?"

"Twick or tweet!" he yells.

"Ta tuh ta!" Nora adds.

"Do you like chocolate?" Susan holds out a bowl brimming with fun-sized candy bars.

"Oh yes we do," I say, steering Spencer's hand towards a Snickers, which is my favorite.

"What do you say?" Tiffany prompts.

"Thank you," says my well-trained boy.

"Sank," repeats my very polite girl.

"You guys are so cute, I hope you got lots of photos."

Daniel Tiger is all about helpful neighbors, so I'm very glad that Susan brought pictures up. "Actually, neighbor, would you mind helping us out?" I ask.

"Of course not!" Susan takes my phone and the four of us stand, smiling.

The picture comes out great. I'll text it to my dad when we get home.

"Ok guys, more houses?" Tiffany takes Spencer's hand and I pick up Nora. Halloween really is one of the best holidays, and I'm so glad that my kids are getting old enough to enjoy it. And as a bonus, I know I'll enjoy that Snickers bar tonight.