Equally Lost (Kyohaba)

Chapter 10

So This chapter is going to have some homophobia and a description of a panic attack. So I guess be warned now. I'll do a recap of the important stuff in the next chapter for people who don't want to read it.

Kyotani's POV

"Looks like Oikawa walked in here earlier. I'm guessing by now the whole team has seen these."

No, no, no. This can't be happening. I don't want to have to leave again. I don't think they'll mind, judging by how Iwaizumi-senpai and Oikawa are soulmates, but if my parents found out... No, they won't. But still... Yahaba seems really nice, and I don't want to drag him into their mess.

-- Flashback --

My parents were coming home from another business trip. I was so excited to see them. I had just finished my first year of middle school and wanted to tell them all about it. I know I hadn't found my soulmate like my parents asked, but how was I supposed to know that they didn't go to my school?

"Mother, father, you're home!" I said, beaming when they entered the doors.

"Did you find your soulmate like I asked?"

"No father, I'm sorry. There was nobody with a matching tattoo at school."

"You're useless, you know that? You're going to inherit the company someday and you're going to need your soulmate by then. So find her!"

And this part. I hate this part of the memory. I think it was now that I stated trembling a little while remembering. If there was one thing that I could go back and change, it would be this right here.

"How do you know they're a girl? It's a 50/50 chance either way, right?"

He looked so angry. I don't think he'll ever forgive me.

"They're going to be a girl. I will not tolerate my son being a homosexual! The company will need heirs when you take over. Insolent fool, how dare you say such things to me!" And then he slapped me, right across the face.

I don't remember if my mother was even in the room. But if she was, she didn't care that her son was getting hurt. If my parents knew about those photos, if they hurt Cream-puff...

That's the last memory I have of my parents. But I still remember their faces clearly. I see them every time I have a nightmare now. Thanks to them, the parents of people I used to consider friends be friends, turned their children into my enemies. I guess being called a monster enough times can make you become one. 

I attempt to do the same coping mechanism I've done science that memory first happened. I cut it all out. I make my mind empty. I destroy everything that hurt me. I shove it all into that deep emptiness, and push it back down every time it comes back up. 

I curl myself into a ball and start tapping random patterns on my skin with my nails. It helps sometimes. I tried to focus on my breathing, but it never works. I can't, I can't I can't. If they find out, if they hurt him. No, no don't think of that, not right now. I star trying to rock myself as I lay on the ground, tapping my fingers on my knees. 

I can't let them near Cream-puff. I'm not strong enough to protect him. I don't want him to see me as a failure too.