Sugar // Marliza

16

- Maria -

The next week or so was really rough. I tried my best to convince Eliza to let me work, but she insisted that I rest and let myself heal. She went to work a few times, but for the most part tried to stay with me.

I was really struggling with the fact that I was losing my baby. In the hospital, I had to essentially birth my baby girl stillborn and was so drugged up on pain medication that I don't remember a moment of it. It shattered my heart to think about. The physical pain to go along with it is no match for the emotional pain I'm struggling through.

Eliza knows how much I'm having a hard time with it. She tries to cheer me up, but most of the time, she just comforts me and that's more than enough. It's hard trying to feel happy with all that's going on.

Even worse, James's court date is coming up and I need to be there to testify. So not only do I have to struggle with the loss of a baby, but I have to sit in a room with the man who caused my loss. The man who was nothing but hell to me for so long.

Just when I thought things couldn't possibly get worse, they did.

My mother called.

Now, my mother and I don't speak often. I'm in my 20's and I feel like our relationship is the same as when I was a pubescent, moody 14 year old. Our beliefs on nearly everything differ, and some of the things she says hurt me more than anything else. Specifically, her views on the LGBTQ+ community. I know that I would be disowned if I ever came out to her. Apparently, though, I wasn't going to be the one to do that.

"Maria, would you kindly tell me what the ever-living hell is going on right now? Your father and I got a call from James today from the prison, and we had no idea what was happening." She said as soon as I picked up. I thought I was going to throw up. Oh God, please tell me he didn't tell them.

"Ma, what did he say to you?" I asked, the fear in my voice obvious.

"Well, he went on this whole rant about you being pregnant - which I'll come back to later, young lady - and then about how you got him arrested because he lashed out at you. And that's not the worst of it!" She exclaimed. Seriously, maybe I am going to throw up. My stomach is doing flips. Please, please tell me they don't know.

"So then what's the worst of it?" I asked. I've realized over the years that it's better to let my mother get everything out first and then acknowledge what's she's saying.

"He told me that you never were committed to him and that you're homosexual, Maria, tell me he's messing with us? This is a prank?" She said, spitting out the word 'homosexual' like it was poison in her mouth. I felt my mind go blank. He told them. He fucking told them.

"Ma, first of all... yes, I was pregnant. James was an alcoholic abuser who beat me til I miscarried, so now he's in prison," I said first, trying to gain my courage to admit to her that what he had said was true.

"I don't understand! He's so kind and nice every time we talk to him, so charismatic and sweet... why would he do that? Did you provoke him?" She questioned. Great. Now she's calling him all kinds of nice things. And victim blaming me.

"No Ma, he found out I was pregnant and was upset. And he's always been abusive. He has been since the beginning." I told her. I can't do this. I can't admit it. Please tell me she won't bring it up again.

"Well... okay. But he was lying, right? You're not one of those are you?" She said. Shit. Here goes nothing. Goodbye parents.

"Ma... he was telling the truth. Listen, I wanted to tell you eventually, on my own time, but you and Pops always talked about how awful the LGBTQ+ community is and how you'd disown me," I said. I couldn't hear anything on the other line. Dead silence. I checked to see if she was still there, and she was. I continued in a rush.

"I've known this about myself for so long, I'm so sorry Ma. I have a girlfriend now, if you want to meet her... please, Ma, don't be upset." I began to choke up at the end.

"Maria, what am I supposed to tell your father? We can't have this. We'll sign you up for a good conversion camp, okay? We'll find the best one in the country and pay for it so you can be normal." She said, seemingly already having everything figured out. Here's where I really need courage.

"...no, Ma. I don't want to be different. I'm happy how I am. Please understand." I said softly. She scoffed and I felt my heart break.

"Maria. It's either conversion camp or we cut you off. No contact, no help, no money. Nothing. We cannot associate with people like you." She said coldly.

"Ma, please, don't do this," I begged.

"Maria, what is your choice."

"You always told me as a kid that you loved me so much, you'd do anything for me, that you would help me and care for me no matter what. I'm your child, your only child, your baby. What happened to that?" I said, silent tears falling.

"What happened is you decided you weren't normal like everyone else and you went into a community that is an abomination. I won't have it. I can't love a child who is an abomination to both me and your father." She said. No remorse, no pain in her voice at all.

"I'm not going to conversion, Ma. Please, don't do this."

"Goodbye, Maria."

And that was it.

When Eliza found me, I was staring blankly at the ceiling as the tears dried on my face. I hadn't eaten dinner. She brought home some food from the café for me and I wouldn't touch it.

"Mar, what happened?" She asked, moving to my side to wipe the remaining tears from my face.

"My parents know. And they cut me off. They're done with me, Eliza. They just... threw me away. Just like that." Thoughts and memories of my parents and their now-gone love for me evoke more tears.

"Oh, baby. Come here." She said, ushering me into her arms as I began to cry again.

"I love you Mar, you're incredible. And I feel awful for you. I'm so, so sorry. There's so much going on already for you, this just makes it so much worse. But listen to me, hun - you have such a big support system here and you don't even know it yet. Alexander and John, my sisters even though they don't even know I'm bi yet," she started.

"Wait, what?" I exclaimed, "they don't know?" This was a good momentary distraction from my tears. She twisted her hair, a nervous habit I noticed that she had, and blushed a little.

"Um... with everything going on lately, the café opening and you and all kinds of other stuff, I've just not had the chance to tell them... well actually, that's not true. I live with Angelica. I'm just too afraid to tell them, even though my family is supportive. I don't know. Only you and Alex know, so far." She explained. Things made a lot more sense now. Why I hadn't met her sisters yet or anything.

"That's okay, Liza. Take your time with it. Obviously with all this I know what it's like to be outed, you deserve all the time you need to tell everyone." I said, pulling her into my arms. She smiled and kissed my temple.

"I will. But I'll probably tell them soon... it's just a matter of gaining some courage." She said.

"I'll be right here with you to give you some."

a/n: maria can't catch a break, can she? my fault tho ooooops