Sugar // Marliza

9

- Eliza -

I don't know what was running through my mind when I kissed her, but once I pulled away, I panicked.

I felt bad for running off and probably confusing her, but I was so worried that I screwed something up. I went home and burrowed myself under the covers, ignoring Angelica as she asked me what was wrong and if I wanted to call Alexander over. I didn't answer either question.

And then I poured my heart out to Maria in those texts and mentioned things that I probably should've, like the bruises.

So now, here we are, Day 1 of what I like to call, 'The Kiss Aftermath'. It's a Saturday and I'm not going into work. I'm still curled under my covers and alternating between sleeping and watching Netflix while I eat takeout. I refuse to say a word about anything that happened, since Angelica would flip about the kiss. It's not that she isn't supportive, but she'd be confused as to why I didn't tell her sooner and I'm still so confused with it all, is I don't want to deal with that.

At the moment, I'm bundled in my blankets, despite it being 70 degrees outside. I'm staring at the wall as I replay the moment over in my head again. Me leaning in, her kissing back, me running off.

Why did I do that?

I'm so stupid honestly... I didn't even say anything afterwards. I just ran! Who does that? She said it was fine but I just can't convince myself that it was. Maybe I really do need Alexander here to help me.

But I need to figure this out myself. I feel like I rely too much on Alex to help me through my problems, so this one I'm tackling alone.

But funny enough, he stills calls me at around three o'clock as I'm binging The Office.

"Hello?" I sigh into the phone, figuring he's calling because Angie told him I was a mess.

"Eliza?" I hear crying from the other line.

"Oh my god, what's wrong?" I ask. I've never actually heard Alexander crying, so something must really be wrong.

"Everything!" He sobbed. I tried to console him over the phone but nothing really worked, so I hung up a few minutes later with the promise to be at his dorm soon. I suppose it's a good thing that I'm getting out of bed. Hopefully, helping Alex through his problems will distract me from my own.

I walked into his dorm ten minutes later, still in my pajamas with my hair tied up into a ponytail. Immediately I spotted Alex, curled up on his bed in tears, looking a lot like I was earlier, except I hadn't been crying. He was surrounded by crumpled tissues and was clutching a stuffed lion, which I had never seen before. Rushing to his side, I toss all the tissues in the trash before pulling him into a tight hug and letting him cry. This moment was so similar to the one just a few weeks ago, where I had been crying to him about Maria.

"Can you tell me what's the matter?" I asked. He sniffled and rubbed at his face, curling his knees up to his chest, still holding the lion.

"My mom... she died eight years ago today and I just... I miss her a lot. She gave me this stuffed animal," he began, glancing away momentarily as his eyes welled up with tears again.

"Oh Alex, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I asked, hugging him again. He shrugged a little and looked away again.

"Its hard to talk about. We were sick and she was holding me, when she died. She was the only one who really cared about me." He said. I opened my mouth to speak and try to help him but he held his hand up and took a deep breath, then kept talking.

"You were bound to find all of this out eventually but I want to tell it all to you now. You're my best friend and you deserve to know, so I'm going to tell you." He said. I nodded, confused. But I figured he needed to let it all out because I suspected there was another issue he was leading up to. He did say that everything was wrong when he called, so it can't just be this. Hey, I'm majoring in psychology for a reason! (And business too, but that's unimportant right now).

"After my mom died, we lost our house since I didn't have money to pay the mortgage and my mom wasn't around to make any money anymore. I was living on the streets, starving and lonely. That's why, when I came here a few years ago, I was so astounded by everything. Because there was so much new stuff and life was so different and I was so, so poor back on Nevis." He explained. Thinking back to when we were 18, I do remember him being very confused by things I thought were simple. But that's because he'd never even seen them before, whereas I'd grown up with it all.

"Anyways, back to before I came here. I was living on the streets, still a kid. I wasn't even 13 yet. Some people were nice, some weren't. For those five years or so, I would steal and beg and life was just... terrible. But then one day, just before I turned 18, this man took me in. He gave me food and shelter and all kinds of stuff. But most importantly, he gave me a paper and pen." He continued.

"I wrote my life story on there. My dad leaving, my mom dying, being on the streets and being taken in. I guess it was pretty good, because the man who helped me spread it all around the island. I would go to the markets to buy bread and people would come up to me and just hand me money, saying they'd read my story. It was crazy."

"One day, there was all these people at the house I was staying in. And they called me into the front room where they were meeting and handed me this bowl, just stuffed with money. And they told me 'Alex, ve a Nueva York.' So I came. And I met all you guys." He said. I nodded and smiled a little, which he returned. But it quickly turned to a frown.

"I could barely speak English when I came here. I can't believe none of you realized that I wasn't from America," he laughed a bit at this and I had to as well. I do remember him having a very strong Caribbean type accent when we first met, but he never even told us that he was an immigrant.

"That first year was so difficult. Honestly, it was harder than being on the streets. Trying to fit in to society, learn English, figure out all these things that I'd never seen before. I felt like I didn't belong here. People told me that I didn't belong here. They still do... but that doesn't matter. I'm a legal citizen, so I know they're not true but still, it hurts. Um, but that's all up until now. For the most part. There's more... but I don't wanna talk about it. It's a lot to handle, a lot to pour out to you right now." He finished. I hugged him tightly again, sighing.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all that, Alexander. I can't believe you didn't tell us, but I understand why you didn't. And anyone who tells you that you don't belong here, I'll kick their asses." I mumbled softly. I don't really swear all that often, but I just can't believe someone would say that to Alex.

"Does John know any of this? You two are so close, I'd be surprised if he didn't." I said, not thinking anything of it. But as soon as John's name left my lips, Alexander began to cry again. I knew there was something else.

"What happened to John?" I asked, trying to get him to breathe and calm down a little bit.

"I asked him on a date..." he said. I felt a smile spread across my face. It's about time, honestly.

"That's great! But why are you so upset?" I asked.

"He ran off. Didn't even answer. He probably hates me, thinks I'm stupid. He probably knows I'm just some immigrant who doesn't even belong here. Maybe he's right..." Alex said, words pouring from his mouth quickly, as if he was saying the first thing that popped in his mind, jumping to so many conclusions. I gasped and gave him a look.

"No, no, no! He probably was just surprised and confused, so he ran. He does not hate you or think you are stupid. And who cares if you're an immigrant? You belong here just as much as the rest of us!" I exclaimed. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

"Alright. Okay, that makes sense. I'm sorry, it's been a long day..." he said, curling up into a ball again. I patted his back and sat next to him.

"It's alright. I'll help you through this, don't worry." I mumbled, pushing Maria out of my head. I had other problems to deal with now, and I'm sure Alex doesn't want to hear mine. I sighed softly before closing my eyes, still sitting propped against the wall with my hand on Alex's back.

What a day. Stay out by doing nothing, end it by comforting a crying best friend. Yet despite all the advice I had given him, I still couldn't figure out what to do with myself.

a/n: i wrote Alex's backstory for a reason that will be revealed later on, so when that time comes, remember this!! I have a plan for this book and I'm very excited.