Loving November Grace

53

It's gunna get worse than this guys- but um happy readinggg lol

Nova's POV

So." I smile and my friends nod as we walk towards the cafeteria.

I have been avoiding them as much as possible today. It's been fun, but then they met me outside of art so I guess we are friends again.

Not that we weren't friends, just I may have broken up with them in my head yesterday. And this morning I imagined how it would be to actually break up with them, like if I treated it the same way as I did a relationship. I feel myself smiling at how funny that would be and when I look up they're both looking at me expectantly and my head snaps back to what I was going to say.

"You ready to do this Rose? We can sit outside, or in my art room like either is fine." I offer.

"No it's fine, we aren't like on bad, bad terms or anything so I think it'll be okay."

"We're not sitting with them though, right?" Sage asks as she opens the cafeteria door for us.

"No." Rose assures and we look towards our old little table.

It was free and I grinned.

"I loved sitting with everyone but sometimes it was so overwhelming, so many people yanoe?" I say and they nod in I guess understanding.

Yesterday they were pissed at me, today they were being extra nice.

I didn't really mind, nice was nice.

I stayed up writing last night, and I know I should feel tired but I just don't. I wrote it all down, everything that was on my mind so then they would stop flying around my head, it was to create order but to be honest it was also just so I wouldn't wake Cole up and tell him everything that I was thinking.

I really wanted to, to wake him up and tell him that he was only going to be in hell if he didn't share and make peace with his secrets. But I realised that no one would appreciate that so I just kept quiet. For now.

I will probably crash tonight, but at least then I should get some sleep. I like not sleeping, I love the night but everyone seems to be getting worried so I will force myself to sleep. I have Valium if necessary. That will calm me down, let me sleep, let the thoughts stop racing.

Not that they are racing racing, I just have so much inspiration, and I sent off that painting this morning. So soon I will have money as well.

"I am so poor." I share and they laugh a little as we sit down at our old table.

"Honestly I have fifteen pounds to my name now, like what a tragedy."

"I thought you worked a lot over the break?" Sage asks and I send her an amused smile. I had lied, I am always lying.

Honestly why do I lie so fucking much? Because I trust nobody, and nobody trusts me.

Bloody trust, it's apparently so important. But why do I have so many issues with it?

So many people have broken my trust, so I guess, like love maybe it just doesn't exist.

Or maybe it does, I just don't deserve either of them.

Because I am so fucking useless, like why would I deserve it? I don't trust others either.

Or is it a mutual thing?

Damn it. I am having these negative thoughts again, I have been so happy I just, it doesn't make any sense.

"Nova?" Rose asks and I startle, my eyes snapping to hers and she frowns.