Clandestine (COMPLETED)

61

F L A S H B A CK (continuation)

“If you want me to be happy, then stay with me” he whispered.

Destine pressed her lips together before answering, “Okay”

She breathed heavily before moving away from him.

“I'll stay with you” she said with a small smile, “But...I'll stay as your friend”

Clarendon's brows furrowed, “What?”

“It's true that I have feelings for you. But I don't want to be a rebound, Ren. I don't want to be a second option. That's also why I don't want to marry you anymore. I'm already so broken, I don't want to get broken by you as well”

He looked down, suddenly realizing what he had said.

“I-I'm sorry” he said, “Fuck, why did I say that? That was so selfish”

“It is” she smiled and caressed his face, “And I don't want you to be selfish. I want us to be truly happy. I am not asking you to have feelings for me if ever we get married. I want you to know that I'll always be here, for you, with you, as your friend”

Destine turned around and was about to go when she heard what he had whisper.

“But I want to marry you”

Destine pretended not to hear it. If Clarendon can't realize what he really wants, then she doesn't want to be with him for the rest of her life. She doesn't want hurt herself more.

She fell asleep as soon as she lie on the bed. She didn't even realize that Clarendon snuck inside and stared at her.

He was a fucking asshole. For hurting Marjorie. For hurting Destine. He always had feelings for her. But Clarendon stopped himself from confessing.

“Do you know why I don't want to fall in love?” Destine said, “Because I don't know how. Everyone around me never told me what love is or how it works. And after everything that I've witnessed? I doubt if I'll ever be ready to fall in love”

Marjorie became his distraction from Destine. And he did love her. But not as much as he loves Destine. Destine is his home. Destine will always be that person he wants to go back to over and over again.

“I'm really sorry, Des” he said as he tuck a hair behind her ear, “I didn't mean to hurt you” he whispered.

He wiped his tears and kissed her forehead before leaving. As soon as he closed the door, he received a message from Marjorie.

Marjorie:

Where are you?

He glanced at the door to where Destine was in. He was torn between taking care of Destine or going to Marjorie.

In the end, he did the latter.

Not because he still wants her. But because he finally made a choice.

He saw Marjorie sitting on the swing. They were in a park near his unit. Clarendon stared at her from afar. He always knew that what they had was bound to end. Because he was Destine's. From the very start, he belongs to her and her only.

“Hey” she smiled as soon as she saw him walking towards her. However, her smile disappeared when she saw how serious he is.

“What do you want?” he asked. Marjorie blinked profusely.

“I want to apologize” she said, “I know you got hurt by everything that I said. But I was just so...envious”

Her tears started falling, “I always knew we won't make it until the end you know? I always knew that I can't fully have you. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt” she looked at him, “C-Can't we just...run away? From everyone? From everything?”

Clarendon didn't even flinch. Surprisingly, he couldn't feel anything. It was like seeing Destine cry made it easier for him to decide what he wants to do.

“You're being ridiculous” he faked a smile, “We're just 18, Marjorie. What do you want me to do?”

Marjorie bit her lip, “I want you to choose me. For once, just choose me”

Clarendon wiped her tears away.

“I'm sorry” he said before walking away.

He already made a choice. Since day one, it's always been Destine.