Burning Desire

Grief

There was a black cloud that hung over us all as we went back to work the following day. The usual laughter and banter that filled our mornings was now replaced by heavy silence, and grieving faces. Everywhere I looked it felt like there was a ghost of him, from where he would sit on the balcony and have his morning coffee, to the locker room where his name was still printed above his locked door. This station was our second home, it was always filled with love and humour and warmth, but now that someone was missing again, it felt cold, empty and unwelcoming.

"I know that this isn't easy for any of us." Alex said as we finished our morning roll call. "We've lost one of our own and that will never be something that you can just get over."

Everyone remained silent, and I bowed my head, averting my gaze to avoid the intensity of looking directly at anyone.

"But we can't forget that we have a job to do. We have to put our feelings aside and get on with the job. It's what Dodger would want, and so we do it for him, and for those people out there that still need us."

Alex's voice cracked as he said Dodger's name, his professional tone slipping as his emotions caught in his throat.

"We're a man down, and that means that we have to be extra vigilant, and adjust accordingly for now."

The morning passed slowly, I wasn't sure whether I preferred it that way, or would have rathered it to be busy. Each way was going to be near unbearable whatever the hand we were dealt, and so we all took to work, going about tasks with minimal interaction. Will had taken over the gym, angry rock music blasting through the speakers whilst he sprinted on the treadmill. Alex had locked himself in his office, most probably buried in paperwork, and Cassie had gone to help Heidi in the kitchen. Those of us that remained downstairs, started working on the appliances, keeping solely to our own job, there was none of the usual banter and larking around. Myself and Sam spent the hours tidying, cleaning and restocking the appliance lockers, whilst Jax and Cain silently washed them over, and Lacey tidied and cleaned the interior. The amount of concentration they were showing strongly suggested that, just like mine, their minds were elsewhere, and the activity was being done purely to keep busy.

As afternoon arrived, so did the first shout. The minor incident meant that only a few of us were needed, but the break was a welcome change of pace, at least for a little while. But then, all too soon, we were pulling back into the station, and I was jumping out of the truck to find myself face to face with Emilia.

She was standing just inside the door, her hair tied up in a messy bun and no make-up. Her outfit was much less together than her usual style, she'd clearly dressed for comfort in an oversized jumper, ripped jeans, and ankle boots. She looked up at me, giving me a weak smile and stepping closer.

"Em, what are you doing here?" I asked as she reached me.

Her big, blue eyes flicked around the station before refocusing on my face.

"I don't know," She mumbled, "I just got so lonely. I had stuff to do before, plans for the funeral, family arrangements. Now there's nothing."

She sniffed and rubbed away a building tear. I hated seeing her this way. She'd always been so happy and lively, just like Dodger. They were such a perfect couple because of the way they bounced off one another. Seeing that light taken away, and her crumbling before me was both horrifying and painful to witness.

"It used to be easy passing the hours until Harry got back, but now I'm just staring at the walls and knowing that he's not c-coming home."

As her voice cracked, she broke down and I pulled her into my arms, feeling her almost buckle with the pain she was overcome by. I held her tightly, keeping her upright and allowing her to let it out, the shoulder of my shirt dampening with her tears.