Abyss in My Head... (Yaoi, Psychological)

6. The Monsters in Your Head...

"It's colder today." Lyle smiled as he stood in front of the garden again on his way home, taking in the beauty of the colors he saw and the light breeze that was caressing his skin.

He liked this feeling the most, being blank, thinking nothing, feeling nothing. It was simply like floating, not happy, not sad, not anything. He stood still on his spot, staring at the different kinds of thick magnolia blooms. His mind took none of it though, not even the colors, not even if they were beautiful or not.

After minutes of just staying there, he closed his eyes and inhaled the faint scent in the air. As the sweet fragrance entered his nostrils, a young woman's face flashed in his mind. He could only see her smile, all the other parts of her face were blurred. The image disappeared as fast as it came. It didn't even register any emotion before it vanished.

Lyle shook his head and started walking towards his apartment.

"Lyle!"

He stopped when he saw Quaid running towards him. The latter was panting and propping on his knees after stopping in front of him. The nervousness, fear, anger and worry were all written on his face.

"Quaid?"

He was about to hold the other's shoulder when Quaid grabbed his hand and immediately pulled his shirt's long sleeve up. "Where? Where??" He was almost on the verge of crying as he pulled the latter's other sleeve up.

Lyle understood his friend's crazed expression.

They had known each other for so long now and if there was someone who knew all the monsters that he kept inside his head, it was Quaid. The only person who saw him in his darkest moments. The only person who saw him destroy himself.

"It's okay. I'm okay, Quaid." He pulled the younger man in a hug and patted the latter's blonde head.

"I went to your apartment to get some soda and... There was more of it than before." He hugged the other back and tighter. "What is it, Lyle? What upset you so much that you hurt yourself again?"

"Ah. So it's the blood. Tch, I forgot to clean up after."

For as long as he could remember, it had already become his habit. Every time he was depressed, upset or nervous, he took comfort in seeing his own blood.

Not suicide, no, he just felt better seeing his blood drip as he cut his own flesh. Short, long, deep, shallow cuts... The moment a blade sliced through his skin, whatever troubled him would soon fade away. After feeling the sting and the pain, his mind would calm down. That bright, warm red was always able to wash the shaking of his heart.

Quaid pulled out of the hug and held Lyle's hand. "Did you clean them well?" He meant the cuts. "Let's go home. Let me see. I'll clean them for you."

Lyle just smiled and followed the latter.

"The air is getting colder."

Quaid looked up from cleaning and disinfecting the cuts on both of his friend's arms just to see the other looking out of the glass sliding door. They were sitting in Lyle's living room now and the latter was gazing out at the balcony with a blunt expression.

"Are you feeling better?" He knew that this friend of his liked the cold.

"Mm." He turned to meet the other's eyes. "Recently, I see many images in my mind even when I'm awake."

"Do you think they're fragments of your memories?"

Lyle didn't answer and just looked outside again.

After a few more minutes, Quaid finished bandaging the latter's arms. He started cleaning the table. "Next time, just don't carelessly bandage them. They might get infected. Also, don't leave your apartment like this. It looks like a crime scene."