looking for a good time

Chapter 14

*2 weeks later.
️⚠️Mature Content Warning!!⚠️ Self harm warning later on in the chapter.
McKenna POV

I've been avoiding everyone as much as I can since John B died.

Everything hurts to the point where I can't hardly breathe. I've cried so much that it feels like I've cried practically all of the tears I could use.

I haven't been eating or sleeping hardly either, and it's starting to show.

I feel like I need to make myself suffer because there was some way I could have prevented John B and Sarah from dying.

I look down at the letters in my hand, tears finally flowing down my face.

I saved Jj's goodbye letter to be the one written last, because I knew it would be the longest and hardest for me to write.

I pick up a pen and a fresh piece of notebook paper before beginning to write.

Jj,
as you and the others may have noticed by now, I at least tried to end it all. I am so, so sorry to do this to you, but I couldn't deal with the crushing pain that's in my chest anymore. I wish I could have been around for the future, because it would have been super fun with you there with me. I always wanted to tell you, but I never really got the chance. I love you Jj, I really do, or I guess did. We gotta use words in past tence now. I thought I loved John B, but it turns out he only wanted me for my body. I want you to visit my dad and grandpa occasionally, alright? Just have dinner with them or something every once in a while to check up on them. Thank you for everything that you've ever done for me Jj. I'm so sorry that I hurt you like this, because it was never my intention. I love you Jj.

Love your favorite angel eyed girl,
McKenna ♡

I fold up JJ's letter and put it in a labeled envelope just like the others, laying them all on top of my freshly made bed.

"Dad, Grandpa, can you guys come here?"

️⚠️Self Harm Warning!!⚠️

I sit on my wooden bedroom floor, holding the oh so familiar razor blade in my hand.

I start cutting the inside of my arms as fast as I possibly can, and I quickly lose conciousness after that.