Welcome to Arcane's Critique Shop version 2.0!
"Critiques are perceptions."
√ Offers constructive criticisms and feedbacks.
√ Giving suggestions, corrections and advices to your work.
√ Neatness, Formality, Grammar are all a must.
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[Hi! Note that I'm writing this critique as I read, so I can be pretty inconsistent. Upon reading your work, I'll keep in mind that my standard of writing isn't everybody else's and also not yours, so I'll try not to judge your work according to how I think stories should be written. Let's begin, then!]
🎀 TITLE:
It's a poetic title, I think. Nakaka-curious for other readers, though not really that pulling.
🎀 BOOK COVER:
Catchy ang cover mo. Not an editor, but readers will probably click on your story kapag nakita nila ito sa wall ng mga recommended books.
🎀 BLURB/DESCRIPTION:
Short, but I don't know what I should think about it. It seems like the POV is on a guy talking about a girl he probably admires until she drifted away from him. He compared her to a sun (?) that seems sweet and sad to me. Hula ko lang 'yan.
🎀 BOOK CONTENT:
• Chapter 01
- Ellipsis. Know how this should be used. Tatlong tuldok lang ang kailangan sa mga ellipsis.
- Second na agad na napansin ko ay ang pag-separate dapat ng isang English word sa isang panlapi. You should separate the word and the panlapi through dashes. Same din sa nag and mag. Ilan sa mga napansin ko ay ito:
• nag-swipe • magka-phobia • nag-play • ma-send
- ". . . na sadyang i-stuck kami . . ."
- Let your characters and readers breathe. Kapag tuloy-tuloy masyado ang isang dialogue nang walang kahit isang action in between, tapos napakahaba pa, it will sound unrealistic. Let your character twirl her fingers around her hair, sigh, let her look at the windows, anything. Para rin mas ma-picture namin siya nang maayos.
- Learn the uses of dialogue and action tags as well.
- Yong/yung, yang, and the like, should have an apstrophe before it. They're short for iyong and iyang, and removing the letter 'i' should be replaced with an apostrophe. Of course, same goes with "nak", because 'a' is removed. It should be ' ‘nak '.
- Is Kazil the main character? If she is, siguro off na ibang POV ang nasa blurb.
- Anyway, in this chapter, pinakilala mo sa amin ang isang mayaman na girl na may pagka-GGSS. She seems like a fun person, and now I'm wondering what is up with her Dad. There's a lot you should fix, at lahat 'yon na-mention ko na so I'm gonna focus on the story na lang.
