Arcane's Critique Shop 2.0

Review 1

Critique made by: JLblackclandestine

Book: Can't The Past Be Really Repeated?
Author: Celinaticz

[Note: Hi, everything that is written here is according to the critic's knowledge and observation. Must you take it positively or negatively, it all depends on you. This review is made for your improvement and just a reminder, I'm not a pro.]

🎀 TITLE:

Okey naman siya. At this point, I haven't opened your book yet so judging from the title, it sounds like a character was regretting something and was having that kind of question in mind, I don't know.

But if you are to ask me, I'd rather have the title: Can the past be repeated?

🎀 BOOK COVER:

Maganda at okey na para sa akin since it is neat in my eyes and I could read the letters clearly.

🎀 BLURB:

Very well, bear with me here. Medyo magulo kasi ang blurb mo. Some spellings are wrong, and your english is confusing. Kailangan mo talagang ayusin. So I suggest you revise everything here.

However, I understand the title now but I'll stick with mine above. Yours to decide.

🎀 PROLOGUE:

The first part, sa pinakataas, maayos na sana. But as I read further, I saw some things that are worth pointing out.

First, sa effort mo madeliver ang feelings, inuulit mo ang thought. You said crying twice.

Second, you forgot periods, comma and other important punctuation marks.

Third, you lack description and the narration is not that good.

I know you can do better. Bata ka pa naman, marami ka pang matututonan.

🎀 NARRATION:

Sabi ko kanina, mahilig kang magpaulit-ulit ng mga salita. Kung nasulat mo na, 'wag mo nang ulit ilagay.

Puwedi ka ring gumamit ng dictionary para may pang-alternate ka pang mga words na gano'n ang meaning.

Tsaka 'wag mo na rin ilagay ang korean letters kung may english letters naman.

🎀 TECHNICALITIES:

1. Spelling: may mga mispelled words na dapat ayusin.

Example: (the first one 'yong mali, the second one 'yong tama)

Iyung = iyong
Mokha = Mukha

2. Capitalization: Alam ko, alam mo kung saan ito dapat ginagamit. Sa story mo, kadalasan nakakaligtaan mo 'to . Lalo na ang 'I'.

3. Dialogue tags:

Correct: ". . . with sky," sabi niya.

Search for proper usage of this.

4. Not using proper punctuations
- minsan walang period, minsan walang comma.

5. Over used punctuation marks
- kung kanina kulang, ngayon naman sobra. Ellipses (...), mas mainam kung magsi-search ka ng proper uses nito at 'wag mong abusuhin ang paggamit.

6. Typing repeated letters (for prolonging purposes)

Example:
Bestfrieeeend
Baaaaaack
Nooooo

Just narrate how they said that.

7. Omitted letters

Correct:
N'ya
Sa'yo
N'yo
'Yon

8. Two words

Correct:
Na lang
Pa rin
Ka man
Ka nga
Ka pang
Ka ba

9. Careful sa mga qoutations. I think you're using some as a dialogue.

10. Grammar
- prepositions
- structures:

Example: Sa blurb mo (magulo ang english), sa chapter 2 (the days when I'm waking up chuchu)
- tenses

🎀 MESSAGE FROM THE CRITIC:

Nag-enjoy naman akong basahin. Maganda naman ang ibang palitan ng lines at may flow ang story. Siguro kailangan mo lang ayusin pa nang konti. Just a little bit more and I know you can do it. Thank you for choosing this shop!