Arcane's Critique Shop 2.0

Review 2

Critique made by: SayonaRA_1998

Book: Malaya
Author: blitzkrieg_08

[Note: Not a professional critic. Nandito lang kami to give advices and to help you grow with your passion. I am not discouraging you. Thanks for trusting, Arcane's Critique Shop.]

🎀 TITLE:

Malaya. Hindi ganoon ka-catchy ang title. For me it sounds typical. Paki-alis din ang qoutation marks (“”) at 'yung word na (Completed) since makikita naman na completed na 'yung story once na tsinek na nila ito.

I don't mean to offend your title, it has deep meaning when you read the story, but I must advice you to think of another title. Iyong mapapatanong 'yung makakabasa ng title mo. This is still up to you, anyway.

🎀 BOOK COVER:

The book cover gives me a pocketbook vibe. Always remember this — your book cover is your silent ambassador. Kung tatanungin kita, isipin mong hindi mo ito story. Eye-catching ba sa tingin mo? Yes. I think you love to read pocketbooks so definitely magse-settle ka sa taste mo.

How about the taste of your readers? This is wattpad. You should always observe what other authors do to sell their stories. If you want a book cover, message me. Puwede kitang gawan o i-recommend sa mga kakilala ko.

🎀 SYNOPSIS:

Your synopsis is fine. Every sentence feels like a question. Thumbs up!

🎀 PLOT/CONTENT:

May firm plot ka. The Plot and Title have something in common and the metaphor it wants to depict is solid. Your prologue is your driving force to continue the story. The phase is fine too. You are using Third Person's Point of View kaya nakadagdag ng pocketbook vibe.

I don't want to judge the book as a whole since ang nabasa ko lang naman ay ang first 5 chapters and the epilogue.

However, nakukulangan ako kung paano mo i-end 'yung mga chapters mo. Kulang sa feeling na magke-crave 'yung reader mo ng "isang chapter pa nga, last na talaga" this line should be your goal when you're writing the ending of each chapter. Make them want more. Puwede pa naman ito mabago.

Your narration is solid. Though may mga scenes na hindi nagja-jive at parang iba sa recent chapters ang nasabi mo, kailangan lang ire-read at isulat ang mga important details. Maganda siya, hindi nakakabagot. I commend you for using 3rd Person's POV dahil iilang writer lang ang may kaya nito. Keep it up!

🎀 CHARACTERS:

This is how I see your characters, okay?

• Male Lead:
He's a gentleman, too good to be true character. Alam ko naman na may portrayer ka. Hindi ko 'yun binabash o ano. Iyong male lead mo ang hinihiling ng bawat babae sa sangkalupaan. But I think he's too perfect. Sana mabasa ito ng mga kalalakihan para maging kagaya ng character mo.

• Female Lead:
Sweet and Shy. I like you for using a typical Filipina Beauty. Karamihan kasi ay mga half-half pa. She's a mahinhin type for me, but I can sense growth dahil nabasa ko ang epilogue.

• Supporting Characters:
They blend well with the leads. Actually 'yung kapatid ni Male Lead ang parang driving force mo for entertainment.

🎀 SETTING:

Sa tingin ko may mali kang nailagay rito. Sinabi mong probinsya sa Cebu napadpad si Female Lead. It's confusing. I advice you to research your setting as well. Thank you!

🎀 TECHNICALITIES:

Minimal errors lang actually.

1. Pagdugtong ng salitang 'ang' bilang pinaikling salita.

Halimbawa:

Hawakan mong aking kamay (X)

Hawakan mo'ng aking kamay (✓)

Minimal errors lang naman mga nakita ko. Tip para makita mo kung ano'ng mali sa bawat pangungusap ay basahin ito ng malakas. Effective 'to.

2. (...) (—) (,)

Ito ay katumbas ng kuwit o comma in english. May nakita kasi ako na pinagsabay mong gamitin ang (...) at (,) which is wrong.

So far, minimal errors lang talaga mga na-spot-an ko, pero kung gusto mo pa po matuto, may mga writing tips po akong nabasa na at nasa reading list ko.

🎀 MESSAGE FROM THE CRITIC:

All in all, good job! I commend you for being brave to write a tragic love story. Keep it up! I enjoyed reading it, anyway! Especially the Epilogue.