Flashback 8 (I missed you)
Jennie POV
I don't know what happen or what did I do until Lisa left me on my wedding day. I was angry, yes, but more to myself because how empty I felt the moment I don't see her smile anymore. I accepted this marriage because I am pregnant with Kai's. When he heard I'm pregnant, he don't seem to excited but not mad either and when he suddenly proposed to me, I accept it because he is the father of the kid growing inside of me.
It has been a week since my wedding is done. I really thought Kai will treat me like he used to but he always make a reason to come back home late because he is busy with his work. But whenever he went back home, he kept on requesting to sleep with me which I decline by saying I want the baby to be stable first before continuing our sexual course. He always made a face after and sometimes I can hear he said what a burden. I got to know the real Kai after really living with him in his house. He always never home and when he is home, most of the time he is drunk. Sometimes I can smell different cologne on her.
When Jisoo gave me the letter that written by Lisa, I saw there is a USB stick inside with custom printing on it. It says Jenlisa on top and behind it says, remember me always. I did not check what is inside the USB stick because I'm scared of what Lisa has to say. It has no further information what is inside the USB stick. I've been a crying mess after Lisa left me whenever Kai is not around. Usually I will always go to Lisa and talk to her about things, now I have no one. I know I blew it by choosing Kai and not giving her chance to let her love me. Her heart must break knowing I choose Kai but how can she be so strong smiling and listening to my daily life every day.
What have I done to you Lisa? Please come back to me.... I missed you already.
My tears drop again for the nth time when I realize Lisa really left me to bring her broken heart with her. The best part is that her heart was given to me and she never intended to take it anymore. How can I not see that? I was too afraid of losing our friendship that I made her redundant to my relationship. I remember going back to our apartment and saw the room is empty but I saw the post it notes she left me and I cried on the table. She really left me for good. My phone rings and I saw Chaeng's name on the caller ID.
"Hey Chaeng, what's up?" I answered the phone trying to be strong.
"Are you okay Jen? You know you can tell me everything. Me and Jisoo are worried about you." Chaeng and Jisoo is really my best friend other than Lisa because they can sense when I really need them but usually Lisa will always be there first for me. I started crying when I listen to Chaeng's voice. Kai is not around so I am all alone at night again. I don't think he will come back tonight. He is rarely at home this past one week.
"I missed her Chaeng.. So much... I'm always alone nowadays. Kai rarely at home at night and I usually sleep alone Chaeng and I'm pregnant with his kid right now. I really need someone beside me and usually it will be Lisa, now, there is no one... isk.. isk..." I cried harder when I told Chaeng what I felt. Maybe my emotion is higher because I'm pregnant but all I know is that I missed Lisa.
"Oh Jen, please don't cry. Lisa already left me tons of message not to make you cry and to care for you. She will not be happy when she return if she knows you've been crying."
"Lisa is going to return? When? Next week? Tell me Chaeng please, I need to know" I was begging Chaeng to tell me if she knows anything.
"I'm sorry Jen, but Lisa is not going to return soon. I have no idea when but she said the moment you choose Kai, she will take her broken heart away hoping it will be glued back together. She will return Jen, don't worry about that but you might just need to wait. I am not supposed to tell you this but keep it to yourself. Jisoo will kill me if she knows I told you. All I know, Lisa is in Thailand but we do not have the location she resides right now"
"I'll wait for her Chaeng, I'll wait for her even it will take forever" It sounded like I have no Kai in my life but I will still wait for Lisa.
"Jen, I actually got something to show you. It might not be a good one but maybe we will meet next month because I will not be around for my food testing across the world. Sorry Jen but I hope you are ready for what I want to show you"
"Okay Chaeng, I'll wait for that. Thank you for calling me" I heard Chaeng said it's okay and we dropped out call. I cried again after. How are you doing in Thailand Lisa? Did you eat? Who are you going to talk with when you are sad? I missed you Lisa!
I decided to open up the USB stick on my laptop so I went to my bedroom and open the laptop on my bed. While lying on the bed, I insert the USB stick and the file popped up. There are 2 file. On the video, it was named as "Open me first" and "Open me second". I did open the first one.. I cried the moment I saw who is in the video. It's Lisa smiling at me talking.
"Hey Nini! I guess by the time you watched this, I am no longer by your side. But don't worry, I am not dead just going away for a good reason. Nini, I hope you don't feel guilty of your decision. It was never wrong to decide on your own and I respect that! Hahaha.. And you know I need to do this Nini. You never left my mind even though you rejected me many times haha.. I'm such a hard headed right Nini? I still love you even though you cannot return back my feelings. I am sorry for feeling this way Nini. I am sorry for falling for you but all you want is only a friend. I cannot take when I saw you are happy with Kai. I got jealous and I know it is not healthy. How long can I stay smiling when deep down in my heart, I'm breaking into pieces. I'm sorry I can't be a good friend to you but I know Chaesoo will take care of you well Nini. Nini, I guess in this video I would like to tell you I will surrender. I surrender myself and just go away from your life. I surrender and lost to Kai even though there is not even one competition between him and me. He won the first day when you accepted him. I was never near to finish line at all but I am not angry or mad Nini, I just need to be far away from you so that when I return, I can be a better person, a better friend for you if you ever accept me as you friend anymore. But right now, it's me signing out from your life. Thank you for giving me so much happiness Nini. Thank you for being there for me when I need you the most and I am so sorry I cannot be beside you anymore or my love for you will grow deeper and you know how unhealthy that is but hey for the first time, I actually recorded myself singing you a song. While you are busy with Kai for the past years, I learn how to play guitar to release my sadness seeing you're not here every morning so if you miss me, you can always listen to my voice or this video. I hope you like it. I'll always love you Nini.. forever and eternity. Goodbye for now.." She blow me a kiss and while still crying, I opened another video of her putting her guitar on her lap. She cried in the video actually but she still smiled for me.
"Here it goes Nini.." Then she strung her guitar playing a song.
We let the waters rise
We drifted to survive
I needed you to stay
But I let you drift away
My love where are you?
My love where are you?
Whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready
Whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready
Can we, can we surrender?
Can we, can we surrender?
I surrender
No one will win this time
I just want you back
I'm running to your side
Flying my white flag, my white flag
My love where are you?
My love where are you?
Whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready
Whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready
Can we, can we surrender?
Can we, can we surrender?
I surrender
I surrender
She cried hard after the song ended and I cried too. It's like unrequited love but I know I blew up big times losing her in my life. Then she continues to talk.
I guess this is it Nini, goodbye my love. I love you so much...
And the video ended. I cried the whole night alone missing her so much. Somehow I regretted my marriage but I am pregnant with his child now so I need to move one too. After all this time I actually realize, I love Lisa too but I was just building up my wall not to accept it. I was so stupid, stupid before and stupid now. And because of that, I lost Lisa from my life...
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Please don't cry my readers. I hope this story is okay so far for all of you :)
XOXO,
TinieT4
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