Evergreen Everleigh - The Wattys 2020

Chapter Forty-Six - The Light in All Things

Chapter Forty-Six

The Light in All Things 

Though it was late in the evening, the sky was illuminated with a fading pink glow that only summer skies could offer. I couldn't help but convince myself that this peachy sky was a birthday gift from whatever guardians watch the skies. From where I sit on the rickety old bench down past the garden maze, it is a nice story to tell myself. 

Today, at approximately ten minutes past four in the afternoon, I turned eighteen. Yet another age I never imagined I would reach. This birthday is a little different, I have to admit, as I look down at my baby pink gingham dress, covering thighs that continue to play tricks on my eyes. I am now an adult, my own caretaker. 

Is it wrong to wish for a do-over?

A chance to do those wistful, kind days of childhood again. But this time, I'd do it right. I wouldn't wretch over toilet bowls whilst my school friends went to sports games and arcades. I would be with them, drinking some sugar-infused fizzy drink and going to see movies, munching on fistfuls of popcorn. Or I wouldn't. Either way, food would not be the make or break of my every day. 

I close my eyes and roll my head back, listening to the silence. It's pleasant to find that it was not at all silent. Bees are hard at work, flitting from rose bush to rose bush, with apparent organisation. Of course, there are the distant laughs of my friends, who had banished me to this secluded section of the garden to allow them time to 'prepare'. For several days, Sweet Pea has been rescheduling Sweet Pea's naps so that she might be awake for a small bit of the festivities, whereas the others simply concluded that Juniper, Aster, and Teasel would simply stay up late and be cranky the next day. 

Naturally, no one had bothered to explain to me exactly why we're waiting for dusk. Yarrow had winked at me earlier as I was abandoned to a late afternoon session with Wister and he ducked out into the garden. 

"Do you generally enjoy your birthdays?" Wister had asked me earlier, the steam from his chamomile tea fogging up his glasses for a moment. 

I had been distracted, looking at the fluffy clouds through the window that I imagined to be the shape of my first twinkle-sprinkle bike I received for my fourth birthday. I taught myself to cycle without stabilisers at dawn one Sunday morning, so desperate not to spend another day seeing my parents watch me fall. Perhaps, I was born fearing a reliance on any others.

 "I think I do. Maybe the ones I've spent in inpatient the most, actually," I said, acknowledging the words as true as I say them. I could never have said this to my mother, or she would accuse me of staying ill to staying inpatient. Wrapped in bubble wrap in a sugar-coated world, she had said once.

Wister frowned st first, but nearly instantly his expression cleared as he understood. 

"Surrounded by people who understood what it is to fear food?" He asked.

I surprised us both by grinning slightly. 

"I only fear some foods," I corrected, pointing an admonishing finger in his direction. It was Wister's turn to smile. 

"Apples, sunshine, cotton balls..." He listed, ticking them off on his fingers one by one. When we laughed, it was such a beautiful sound that tears fell from my eyes. 

Now, the memory of the afternoon feels both impossibly sad and laughably honest. I never knew such extremes could exist together in my steadily repairing heart. I am so lost in my own thoughts that I barely notice Juniper's small, distinctly sticky hand, rests on my knee, jolting me back to the reality of turning eighteen. 

"Pop, Pop, Pop!" She sings and I bend low to kiss her cheek and hug her close to me. 

When she is pressed tightly to my chest, I can almost imagine that all of the absent love in both of our lives has evaporated and we have grown enough to fill that space. Behind her, Aster is running toward us, his freckled face distinctly ashy. 

"What's on your face?" I ask Aster bemusedly, as he pulls me to my feet with surprising strength. 

He is too excited, too busy beaming and squealing with joy to answer. By the time we round the hedges to the centre of the maze, where the space is wide enough for us all to sit comfortably, the sky has faded to a grey and ink glow with stars peeking from beyond misty clouds. 

Before I can fully see what is before me, someone's palms clamp over my eyes. I shriek and fall back against the warm chest that is covered in jewelry. Lady Lavender. I relax almost immediately and do not flinch when I feel the delicate fur of Mr. Flurry brush against my ankles. I am led through the short grass to stand on a blanket that I know from touch is from Wister's office. I feel the fraying edges with my toes and eyes closed. 

"Do you think she'll fall asleep?" I hear Perennial whisper and I realise that I have been standing unnervingly still, waiting for what is to come. 

"No, I promise I won't," I say, smiling. 

There is such comfort in knowing that my friends are smiling back at me even with my eyes closed. There are the small sounds of scuffling and one or two hisses from an ever-irritable Mr. Flurry before Cedar's voice sounds from in front of me.

"You can open your eyes, now," And I do to find a kaleidoscope of colour.

The world before me is filled with lights, brighter than any night I have ever lived. My friends stand before me, arranged into the shape of a heart. In each of their hands is a different coloured sparkler. Each one lights up their faces with the glow of kindness and love. The smaller children hold battery-operated candles but radiate delight brighter than any of the stars in the sky as they face me. 

At the bottom tip of the heart, Yarrow stands, two sparklers in his hands. He passes one to me. A yellow one, to match my ribbon. I take it with a shaking hand, wondering if the tears from my very soul, at the beauty of being loved so purely, will cause the sparkler to shine brighter as nothing could quench my joy at this moment. 

Lady Lavender reaches out and holds my free hand, facing me with an expression of utter sincerity.

"Poppy Everleigh," She says, her voice a declaration filled with pride, addressing me with my chosen and given names, before our friends. "You always have a place in our heart." 

Looking at my friends once more, my eyes meet Sweet Pea's, who holds Violet on one hip, her sparkler held away from the small child who watches the flickering lights with wide, captivated. Sweet Pea meets my joyful tears with a look nothing short of sisterly love. For a moment, my heart aches in the absence of Harmony, before swelling in the knowledge that I now have two sisters.

How do I tell these people that I, too, claim them as my family? 

As I open my mouth to form a summary of my immense love, feeling salty tears slip onto my lips, I spy a final friend emerge into view from the back of the maze, a green sparkler brighter than any other in her pale hands. Aloe's smile is a thing of staggering beauty, and better yet, peace. 

The great chasm inside of me that has been gnawing at my edges for these past few years releases a great blast of icy wind with my breath. With it comes a great realisation, I know that this will not be the final fixing of my problems, the salve to my illness. Yet, this love will heal all other moments, soothe all other pains.

Slowly, I begin to feel whole. 

A/N: 

Hello, my dear Wattpad readers,

Apparently there are quite a few of you silent readers, I'm honoured that you want to know more of Everleigh's story. This particular chapter holds a lot of emotion for me as it is a real sign of hope. In my opinion connection and relationship with others is our best hope for recovery. Love is always the answer. 

Speaking of love, happy Pride 2020 my loves!

Jens x