Evergreen Everleigh - The Wattys 2020

Chapter Thirty-One - The Break Between Birthdays

Chapter Thirty-One

The Break Between Birthdays

The painting takes days after Lady Lavender gave me her spare deck of cards. It is a new project, a welcome distraction from the thoughts that Wister's insistent recovery sessions had put swirling in my head.

Yes, I relish the painting. In past treatment centers, I was encouraged to sew, knit or draw but never block out the pain with distraction. Sweet Pea's birthday present is what Wister calls 'willful blindness'.

"You don't have to be afraid of seeing yourself, Poppy child." He had said, sitting cross-legged on the floor of his office, a mug of earl grey tea in his hands.

I knew what he meant - I know it now, as I feel the swell of my thighs against the wooden chair in the recreation room. They feel larger, bubbling. They say cellulite means fat poking out through your lines in your skin. I think I can feel it, moving and fight it's way out.

With wooden clothes pegs, I hang the cards - twenty, to dry. They are not perfect, but Sweet Pea enjoys imperfect things. As I stand and step back from the work table, the door flies open.

I turn and find a blank-faced Aloe staring at the orange paint blotches on my shirt and the yellow flecks that spatter my scars from painting Sweet Pea's last card.

"I'm just about done here," I say, my voice stiff. Something about her today, her sharp but unfocused eyes make me queasy.

Her eyes flick to my cards, lining the make-shift clothing line made of blue twine that moves in front of the window. For a moment, a look of sadness crosses over her eyes. It vanishes as quickly as it came and she rolls her green eyes.

"You're just perfect, aren't you?" Her tone quiet, but scathing.

"Perfect?" I can't help myself. Her statement appalls me and if I'm being honest, offends me. What perfection can she see as I stand here, covered in paint and scars, avoiding the problems that take more than a closed door to leave behind?

"They're a gift, for Sweet Pea, right?" She gestures to the cards and for a second, I wonder if she will tear them down and set them on fire with nothing but the empty wrath in her eyes.

I nod and so does she. I think I've never seen someone so young look so heavy.

"Aloe... are you...?" I struggle to find the words. To find the rope of sanity when I'm barely hanging onto my own. She cuts me off.

"Don't ask if I'm okay."

Aloe walks past me for a moment and tosses a package onto the counter. It's wrapped in brown parchment paper.

She catches me looking at it.

"A belated birthday gift for Juniper." Aloe glances at the cards and back at me, her face expressionless. "It doesn't matter all that much now."

Before I could even think of what to say, she's gone.

*

Sweet Pea's birthday celebrations were much like Juniper's, except this time everyone from Wister to Mr. Flurry was buoyant and present. It seems that overwhelming love for Sweet Pea was a common currency in Freesia Fields.

The weather was sticky, so we took our celebrations to the fields of flowers where we had flown the kite made of my clothes, which Aster and Teasel had insisted on bringing. Lady Lavender asked Willow to make a picnic and is now sitting with Violet between her legs, feeding her strawberries, whilst in deep discussion with Perennial. I'd never seen Perry talk with anyone so fluidly as she does with Lady Lavender. I guess she has the same effect on all of us.