Beauty and the Demon

Chapter 7

Blitzo: Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Harold. Looking so down in the dumps. Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Harold. Even when taking your lumps. There's no shit in town as admired as you. You're ev'ryone's fucking favorite guy. Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you. And it's not very hard to see why. No one's slick as Harold. No one's quick as Harold. No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Harold's. For there's no man in town half as manly perfect, a pure paragon! You can ask any bitch, dick or fucker. And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on.

Blitzo and Chorus: No one's been like Harold. A king pin like Harold.

Blitzo: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Harold.

Harold: As a specimen, yes, I'm damn intimidating!

Blitzo and Chorus: My what a guy, that Harold! Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!"

Bliyzo: Harold is the best and the rest is all shity drips.

GASP!

Chorus: No one fights like Harold Douses lights like Gaston

Blitzo: In a wrestling match nobody bites like Harold!

Bimbettes: For there's no one as burly and brawny.

Harold: As you see I've got biceps to spare

Blitzo: Not a bit of him's fucking scraggly or scrawny.

Harold: That's right! And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair.

Chorus: No one hits like Harold Matches wits like Harold.

Blitzl: In a spitting match nobody spits like Harold.

Harold: I'm espcially good at expectorating! Ptoooie!

Chorus: Ten points for Harold!

Harold: When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs Ev'ry morning to help me get large And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of a barge!

Chorus: Oh, ahhh, wow! No one shoots like Harold. Makes those beauts like Harold.

Blitzo: Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Harold

Harold: I use antlers in all of my decorating!

Chorus: My what a guy, Harold!

Suddenly Vaggie bursted inside the tavern with panic.

"Help! Someone help me!" Vaggie cried.

"Vaggie?!" said women.

Every customers looked at her including Harold and Blitzo curiously what's going on.

"Please, I need your help! My friend Charlie is locked up in a castle dungeon! We don't have time to lose" said Vaggie hysterically.

"Hold your horses, Vagetha. Who's locked Charlie in a dungeon?" Harold asked.

"A radio demon! A big, horrible, monstrous radio demon!" replied Vaggie.

But no one believed her and snickered.

"Don't worry, Vagetha. We'll help you out!" Harold smiled sarcastically.

"Really! Oh thank you so much!" said Vaggie as two of Harold's friends escorted Vaggie to the entrance and tossed her out of the tavern and Vaggie landed in a snow pile.

Crazy old Vaggie. She's always good for a laugh!" laughed the first guy.

"Yeah." agreed the second guy.

Harold: Crazy old Vaggie, hmm? Crazy old Vaggie hmm. Blitzo i'm afraid i've been thinking.

Blitzo: A dangerous pastime- .

Harold: I know. But that wacky old bitch is Charlie's friend and her sanity's only so-so. Now the wheels in my head have been turning since I looked at that loony old bitch.See I promised myself i'd be married to Charlie and right now i'm evolving a plan!

Harold: If I-...

Blitzo: Yes..

Harold: Then we'd...

:Blitzo:No, would she?!

Harold:Guess!

Blitzo:Now I get it.

Harold and Blitzo: Let's go!! Noone plots like Harold. Takes cheap shots like Harold. Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Harold!

Everyone: So his marriage we soon will be celebrating! My what a guy Harold!

To be countinue....