August 24th- Book One in the May 3rd series

Chapter 17- A G A Y I N

I take another drink, then I hook my phone to my Bluetooth speakers that I'm not allowed to use unless no one's home,

And I put Taylor Swift on full blast, not giving a fuck that I'll be deaf at thirty-five at this rate.

Teardrops On My Guitar plays first, and it only takes a few minutes for someone to throw my bedroom door open.

I start screaming along.

I don't care anymore.

What's the point?

I lost my only actual friend.

"Damien? What the fuck are you doing?!" Pierre yells over the music.

"Can't talk. Having a crisis." I yell back, taking another drink.

I watch him go to my speakers and unplug them, the music immediately stopping.

"Damn you, Pierre. You suck. Boooooo." I boo him.

"Are you drinking? It's 11:00 a.m.!"

"I'm dying, Pierre." I say, and he takes the almost empty bottle out of my hands, and grabs the other one and puts them out of reach.

Doesn't matter. I'm already drunk.

"What is going on? Why aren't you at school?"

"The only person I've ever liked hates me."

"What do you mean? Who?" He sits down on the table beside the couch, and stares at me expectantly.

"Who do you think? Him." I say bitterly, staring up at the ceiling.

"Him...? Josiah?"

"Yeah. It doesn't matter. We're not friends anymore. Not like I wanted to be just friends..." I murmur, then quickly cover my mouth with my hand, staring at him wide-eyed.

He smiles at me. "Damien, you know it's okay for you to like him that way...right?"

"If my parents found out... Do you remember Parker? My friend when I was little...?"

He nods, "Yeah... But you're an adult now, Damien."

"You don't...think I would go to Hell for it? Like they said."

He sighs. "No. Everyone deserves to be with someone they love. It's okay."

"I DIDN'T SAY LOVE," I sit up quickly, "He's just really cute and nice and isn't afraid of me and... I want to be with him. But it doesn't matter. 'Cause he said we can't be friends anymore. I'm not even in the friend zone, Pierre! I would rather be in the friend zone than this!"

I run a hand through my hair. "I don't know why I thought this would work. I'm so stupid."

He puts a hand on my arm reassuringly. "You're not stupid, Damien. Do you really want to be with him, friend or not?"

I shake my head, feeling tears come to my eyes. "Yeah, but he doesn't want to see me, like ever. He said he would still do tutoring but... I doubt it will last. He'll just leave."

"Hey, don't give up on it just yet. You haven't lost him entirely, okay? Talk to him at tutoring, try to get him back, maybe even tell him how you feel...?"

"Fuck no!" I say, pulling away and laying back down on the couch with a sigh, "Maybe you're right...not about the telling him how I feel. That's a horrible idea. But maybe at tutoring, I can...maybe we can be friends. And being friends is better than nothing. I just... I need him."