Unprofessional | K.Th√

Confessed [37]

Its okay to not be fine. You don't always have to be happy. 

I tried to make my days happy, forcibly. If I hadn't said those words that day to Taehyung maybe, maybe nothing like this would have happened today. 

Love isn't some thing that can be earned with arm-twisting.

Loving someone doesn't necessarily means to get that person. People say one sided love hurts but it will hurt more if they end up being in pain because of you.

I felt someone stroking my head. "It would be all right Yoona. Don't worry." it was Yoongi.

"Oppa-oppa it was all my fault." I broke down again in his embrace as she kept on stroking me.

"No Yoona. No it wasn't your fault. Taehyung saved you because-because he loves you. You would have done the same for him too." Yoongi said in a soothing voice.

"But I am not the one in the Operation theater. He said- he- he said he loves me oppa. He said he loves me but I didnt even got the chance to say it back. Why? Why did he take the bullet?" I pulled my hair. I continued pulling it until I felt soreness in my scalp.

"Yoona stop it. It won't do anything." It was Megan's voice. I looked up to see her in a messed up state. 

"Yoona." she hugged me tight as I let myself cry on her shoulder. 

"Pulling your hair wouldn't do anything. It wasn't your fault. It was nobodies fault." she whispered soothingly in my ear. 

"Bu-but Meg he said he loves me. He said that when- when I couldn't even said it back. Why?" I let more tears fall.

"He has always loved you." she said making me look at her.

"Yes Yoona. He has always loved you. He acted that way because he was scared. Scared that he would end up where his parents ended. Thats why he was like that Yoona but belive me he had fell for you a long time ago." Megan told me but it made my heart ache more. 

"But-but he- he never-" my mind was already a mess. The world was already spinning and now her words made me more puzzled.

"Hard to believe, isn't it?" another voice made me look up. It belonged to Jimin. His state was not better than mine though. He was trying hard not to cry.

"Remember how I used to tell you not to leave him. It was because he needed time. It wasn't entirely his fault for acting so rough. Heck, it wasn't at all his fault. Knowing him from his childhood I have seen what he had went through." Jimin said sighing. 

"He have always been secluded, sheltering himself from feelings. He thought that if he let anyone pass through it he would get hurt. He had lost all his faith on love and trust. He saw it as some deal. But believe me Yoona time was all that he needed and he would be translucent." Jimin's word made more tears fall down. 

All those time I had considered him anything but a monster, he was just trying to protect himself. He was afraid, afraid that I might hurt him!

I exhaled thinking about how wrong I was to judge him by outside, not even trying to know him, not even trying to look through his heart. I just saw what he showed, not even bothering to look past it. 

If I had tried. If I had tried a little hard maybe things would be different. I should have given him time.

After hearing those words I felt my chest tightening more. I felt like someone was grasping my throat hard making h=it hard to breathe. My eyes were burning but the tears hadn't stopped yet. It was not in my control, flowing on its on.

My head was feeling heavy and I felt like falling down even though  was sitting on a chair. The room felt like it was spinning and with that I closed my eyes.

"Drink this." I opened my eyes with a shake on my shoulder. It was Jungkook standing there with an instant cup soup. 

"I do-don't want to- please." I said in a small voice. 

"Yoona, starving wouldn't do anything. You haven't eaten from the time you were kidnapped. This way you will become weaker." Jungkook sat beside me. I didnt notice when Megan left.

"I can't Kook. It won't go down my throat." I felt the tears pulling in my eyes again. The thought of gulping something made a feeling of throwing up.

"I can understand Yoona but you have to stay strong, for you, for him. He will be all right. Everything will be fine." he gave me a reassuring smile.

"give it to me. I will feed her." It was Ara's voice. She took the soup cup from Koo and sat on the otherside of me.

"Yoona, you have always told me to stay strong. Now if your will power fall apart like this then- then how can we stay strong. Taehyung would not want you to starve either. When he will wake up he would not want to you to look like some zombie." he smiled a little trying to lighten the mood and i nodded.

"I can understand how hard it must be but being like this wont help either. Go to the restroom and splash some water on your face and then drink tis. You will feel better." She brushed away the tears from my eyes and help me get up.

When i reached the washroom I went to the sink splashing water on my face trying to wash away all the weakness. 

Yes I would stay strong.

"Tae, it will be all right. We will have a new start. We will put the pieces of our puzzle again and this time it would be matching. I would be careful to chose the lines for our story. Lets have a fresh start." I was ranting like some lunatic looking at the mirror in front of me. 

I felt like screaming, pulling my hair, throwing up, kicking, jumping and everything else. I was loosing my sanity. The thought, the possibility of not seeing him ever again was creating a void, an emptiness. 

I put my hands on both side of the sink, leaning above it. I have always wanted to avoid him but now just the thought was enough to made me feel like collapsing. 

"Why did you take the bullet? I would never be able to forgive myself." I cried out loud in the empty room.

"Why didn't you tell me your feelings. Why had you always pushed me away?" I said closing my eyes just, hoping all of it to become a nightmare. 

But reality is darker, scarier than any nightmares.

A/N: I have made you guys wait for such bad chapter. i wanted to write more today but i  am tired. Also i enjoyed the Bang Bang Con very much and now i am missing them even more.

Also i have changed my pen name. This time it would be final. Its Sakura, which means cherry blossom in Japanese.