Luminary {Book 2 ✔️}

Chapter 36

"Fuck," Ben breathed out as I'd finally finished. "You've been dealing with all of that? The nightmares of Owein, your father...why wouldn't you tell someone?"

Both of them looked at me in shock. I nervously rubbed my palms on my jeans.

I swallowed and shrugged. "You had other things to worry about. And I...I thought he could help me, but I was wrong. He can't."

Tilly's eyes narrowed angrily, her black fingernails curling into a fist on the table. Ben was still shaking his head in disbelief that I'd known so much but hadn't said anything. Guilt washed over me, and it wasn't an unfamiliar feeling. Since the challenge, the guilt of killing another person had always been present, but now I felt the guilt of betraying my friends.

"I get it," Ben said, surprising me.

"You do?"

"Who else could you turn to?" he asked rhetorically, "Tucker was being a dickwad and neither of us could understand any of what you were going through. It makes sense that you'd turn to somebody who could give you answers."

I shook my head. "It was a mistake."

Tilly smirked a little, giving me a look.

"Nobody is denying that," she teased, "but the important thing is that you told us now."

"Now we can figure out what he's up to, together," Ben added, "and maybe stop him while we're at it. You know, if we're lucky."

"Yes! Supernatural dream team let's go!"

I breathed a sigh of relief, chuckling a little at Tilly's excitement and finally feeling the weight of all of the secrets that had been on my shoulders slide off a little as they helped carry them. Ben, however, raised an eyebrow at me, considering something for a moment.

"You know when you tell him he's probably going to be pissed off, right?"

He already is, I wanted to say but I stopped myself.

A sigh left my lips and I squeezed the bridge of my nose. "Yeah, yeah I know."

***

When Tucker crawled through my bedroom window that night, it didn't come as a surprise. In fact, I had texted him asking to see him. I'd thought of every horrible possibility but seeing him came as a breath of fresh air, even if we were in a weird place right now.

He smiled a little when he saw me sit up in my bed.

My heart squeezed at the happiness he radiated upon seeing me as he pushed himself through the window. Despite the fact that he was angry and hurt by what I'd done, the relief he and I both felt was clear.

He was not going to be very happy when I said what I had to say.

His smile began to fade as he read the uneasy expression on my face. I held out my hand for him to take so I could pull him toward me on the bed, trying to smile at him. He sat beside me, his fingers moving my untamed brown hair from my face.

"You ready now?" he asked, guessing at the reason for my strange behavior.

I sighed. "I am. We need to talk."

He shot me a look, halfway between amused and irritated. 

"I swear to God if you're breaking up with me again...haven't we been through this enough?"

Despite myself, I laughed at his prediction. He smiled a little at the sound and he tried to hide it, but I could feel his unease dissipating as I shook my head. I struggled to find the right way to begin all that I had to tell him. Part of me knew I was afraid because he'd be even more hurt, but a bigger part didn't want him to get angrier with me. Even if I deserved it.