"Liozza!" I heard a voice not far away from me calling my name, I can't just open my eyes knowing that my sight is blurred without my eyeglass on.
I felt a heaviness of my body and an unstoppable flame that I felt in my head. What just happened is unexplainable to me, I can't just remember all of what just happened after we ate Aya. I can sense that people surrounds me now, I don't wanna open my eyes seeing the man whom I saw earlier with hugging back the unknown girl. I never felt this way before. It ain't fear nor pain-all I knew is just its unexplainable and no words that I can compared of.
"Liozza! We're so worried about you..." Mom slightly cried holding my left hand. I can see the way how she looks like worrying about me. And I hate her seeing this way.
I just found out that I am at the clean white plain room-wearing an uncomfortable hospital suit. And I can't dare to look on my moms eyes knowing that I will be hurting much more.
"Liozza, why didn't you tell me what's your condition?" Mom added, she's wearing her hospital gown. And no wonder she's on duty.
You're always been busy mom, why can I tell you then?'
"Liozza? What's happened to you?" I can't just stop crossing my eyebrows on Aya as I heard her talking right now. It sounds like she's asking me why I am here at the hospital with my condition.
"I mean—you're acting weird since the day I went to your room, I wanted you to make happy! I noticed you Liozza...you're not the Liozza I knew before, you've changed" she added that makes me realize what just she meant.
I can't blame her nor anybody else, it's just me who chooses this way—chooses the way I didn't expected to be this way.
"I'm so sorry.." the only words that my mouth could tell right now.
"Liozza, look.. I am your best friend, you never hide what you feels before-you even share even a single piece of situation before, but now look! look at you!" She can't hide her tears and cried. I saw how she avoid my gaze to me.
"You should have told one of us what happened to you.." the last phrase she said then leaves the room.
I can't just chase her now, my head still cause a lot of pain of me. My body is still that lazy and tired enough to chase her outside the door. Maybe I still need to give her time and space. I know she is just worried about me that's why she acted that way. She's my best friend I know what runs on her mind but I don't even share a small piece of me.
Dad keeps on telling me to eat but even if my stomach wants to my body won't cooperate. He decided to buy something for me so he went out walking away from my distance. Mom checked me before she wen to her other patients.
I can't just stop thinking that even my mom, can't spend time with me because she still have her patients waiting for help, while her daughter needed her too. I know her responsibilities and and I am part of it too.
I bow my head looking down to my chest. What I thought earlier was wrong, his not here with me. His not around.
I get my eyeglass in the side table not far away from me. It has a small crack beside, and I know it was broken after I collapsed.
Slowly move my head to clarify the area. And then I stop from roaming my eyes when I notice someone sitting in a couch.
He is here? Sleeping? He can dare to sleep while sitting in a couch?
I don't know what to feel seeing a man whom I am looking for since last time. I breathe heavily as I decided to stand up.
"What are you doing?" I heard him talking with his same position without looking at me.
I left positioning my hands planning to stand.
Leaning slightly to my headboard looking down.
"You didn't eat your food yet?"
He ask slightly opening his eyes.
I can't just look in his eyes straightly.
"I still don't want to eat" I said lamely still looking down.
I heard him stopping up walking towards me. Left standing beside on my bed.
"Okay, it's your choice" he said without looking at me and slowly walks towards the door.
I can't just stop my tears from dripping seeing him closing the door. Reminiscing the scene I just saw before I got collapsed. He is smiling hugging back with the girl. He is acting right now like we don't know each other before. He's cold as ice right now and even can't look into my eyes directly.
I just found out my self chasing him outside the room where I stayed at. I looked at the hallways but there's none. Only the hospitals staff and the other patients.
It's the time that I should tell him that I am so sorry for what I did. That It's feels different when I'm white him. I am safe like I am not afraid whenever I am with him. And even happiness he gave to me.
As I stepped to the exit, Finally I saw him standing back at me. My excitement boost up slightly running towards him.
But then the smile on my face fade and my steps getting slower as I finally clearly see him standing, standing in front of a girl kissing her as if no ones looking at them-as if like they own the place. The girl which I saw hugging him is now kissing him in front of me.
I felt like I wanted to go down the floor and I can't just stop my tears slowly dripping in my cheeks. I wished I didn't just followed him. I wished I didn't saw what I see right now.
It feels like my heart hammered and showered my face with hot water that makes me feel worst even more.
I don't know what should I feel, it's just a feeling where my heart hurts the most.
All I know that I am hurting....
Am I In love?
No it can't be.
To be continued
