The Busan Boy (EDITED)

an excerpt

a/n: i actually planned to not have an excerpt in this version of the novel, but then this scene happened, and i think it fits the premise well. 

let me know your thoughts ❤️

happy reading, and take care.

with love,

krissy

———

JULY 2007

BUSAN, SOUTH KOREA

———

EOMMA USED TO sing me to sleep.

The lyrics were simple words. I think it's from an old ballad from the eighties.

She sang it back when she was in touch with her mind. It had been only a few years after appa passed away, and she had grieved peacefully, giving her heart space to breathe and ache. Those years were those golden ripples. The years before Seungho and I grew up, before peer pressure plunged her mind into a deep, imbalanced depression.

She would sit beside me and tuck me in tight beneath the comforter after Seungho had stopped his wailing. She would always smell really good, like that nice earthen body wash they sold at the market, and her face would be clear of wrinkles, her eyes impossibly soft. Like cotton.

The ballad was a quiet song. I would close my eyes and melt into it as she smoothed away my hair.

I will save this place next to me

You are the only reason

That waiting gives me enough happiness

I would shift beneath the sheets and snuggle closer. Warm from head to toe. Her hand, gentle on my shoulder.

As the days pass by...

She hummed it in the early morning haze. When I brushed my teeth and she thought I was still asleep. While she ran water or chopped leaks or picked bean sprouts. Or made pancakes with kimchi and flour. Sometimes she would stare at the flowers on our table.

If you forget the way, I'll be waiting...

I do it for you.

Something about the way she sang it carved itself into my memory. When the years passed and the world grew less friendly, when Seungho was inconsolable at night and the rent rose, she started disappearing into therapy, and her mind sank into delusion and doubt. After a psychiatrist visit, the ahjumma down the street started teaching me how to pick up prescription meds.

In the years afterward, she would scream herself hoarse berating me. She'd come home accusing me of things I had never done. She couldn't be reasoned with. I lasted so long listening to her, screaming back, only to run from the house and return to forgive her. Cycle after cycle. But every time I gave her the scheduled dose, I would lay the pills and the glass of water beside that vase of flowers, and I would remember.

I do it for you.

The song plays in my head the night before Jihoon buys his ticket for Seoul. It's hours into the night, and we're sprawled across the grass at a beachside park, paper cups of ssiat hotteok emptied with only stray seeds left behind. He's fallen asleep on his stomach.

I lay on my stomach on the grass beside him, watching the wind ruffle his dark hair. His face is really peaceful. Maybe that's why the song comes up. "I will save this place next to me..."

It's a balm for my heart. I can't help but study him while my voice follows its tune. There's no angst-ridden frown on his face. For once, he doesn't look exhausted. Is it because he's finally leaving to follow his dreams?

"You are the only reason that waiting gives me happiness..."

I wonder what it feels like. To have this big unknown stretching before you, begging you to follow it into this real promising future. He's not tied down to Busan like I am. He's free.

"As the days pass by..."

My throat starts to feel weak. He's free. But I can't imagine letting him go.

"If you forget the way, I'll be waiting...I do it for you."

His eyes are closed, but I realize, when his mouth pulls into a smile, that he's not asleep at all. He shifts closer. 

"Why haven't I heard you sing that before?" he mumbles.

"Hm?"

"I like it. It's pretty." His smile widens. "Sing it again."

A noise leaves me. "You should be the one singing for me. Future idol."

"You can listen to me all you want when I make it big, but I won't be able to listen to you." He reaches forward sleepily and tugs me into the circle of his arm. His smile fades. "C'mon."

I wrinkle my nose with reluctance. "Okay."

His hold tightens around me.

"I will save this place next to me..."