Undercover

Clouded Feelings

He walks towards me and he's shirtless with black joggers. A huge bandage covers his right side and my eyes linger on the bandage forgetting the supplies in my hands.

He stands in front of me and gently takes the items in my hand and puts it on the counter behind us. He notices my gaze and moves his hand under my jaw so I look at him.

"It's healing. I'm fine."  His grey eyes were intense and I could see the blue swirled in them as he reassures me he is okay.

I recover quickly. "Workload isn't that much and Grace made some food for you. She didn't want you to be cooking while recovering. It should last you a few dinners."

I could tell he didn't care about that as he looked at me. "Why did you leave the hospital without saying goodbye?"

Guilt washed over me at his soft pleading tone. "I didn't, I texted you that I left."

"I was waiting for you," Lucas cups one side of my face with his hand and rubs his thumb back and forth.

My eyes close at his warm touch and he leans in for a kiss, I don't know where because I step back.

His brows furrow in confusion.

"Lucas, you confuse me", I say voice soft.  "You give me mixed feelings. Sometimes I think you like my presence and others I feel like it's plain business, so I didn't know what to do at the hospital."

I suck it up and look in his eyes and see him confused.

"I clearly said I wanted you there, I told you to stay, didn't I?"

"Well you were drugged so I didn't-"

"No. Don't you tell me I asked you that because I was drugged. Natalie, I always want you by me."

My stomach flipped at his words and I was star struck.
I always wondered how he felt towards me and he confessed something finally.

But something stuck in me. He was always fluctuating moods I shouldn't give in to the one time he admits it.

"You still confuse me, Lucas and I don't want this tension between us to get into the mission."

He steps back a bit and stares at me.

"All I asked was for my friend to sit with me in the hospital. I didn't want the nurses all around me I wanted YOU  around me."

See? Mixed Feelings.

I sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm here now."

He didn't seem happy about that anymore, so I took the hint.

"It's a cheesy casserole you're gonna need to warm it up.  Grace said to keep the pan. Hopefully, you feel better."

I step out to leave when he grabs my arm and stops me.

Lucas sighs. "Don't leave right now you just came."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

This visit was going the soap opera way.

"Natalie," he quietly pleaded.

I step back and he puts his arms on my shoulder asking if he can hug me with his eyes.

I nod and wrap my arms around his toned upper body as his strong arms wrap around my waist.

I barely hug his right side afraid  I will hurt him and he smiles in the hug.

"It's not going to hurt me."

I still don't touch his right side until he moves his arm so my arm wraps around his right side.

Okay, that was kinda cute

I've heard lots of girls talk about the "scent of a guy", but to me Lucas didn't smell just like cologne.

He smelled like the feeling of familiarity.

"Feeling better?" I ask in his shoulders.

"Yeah."

We take a few seconds in silence. Lucas and I are crazy busy and we never address this tension between us but it slowly goes away with our embrace.

Whether I grasp it or not, his touch feels...safe.

"I'm coming back to school on Friday."

I back away and he holds myself close to him.

"Friday? Are you insane you just got discharged."

"Natalie this mission is still going on, life is still going on. I am not taking my leisure time and  it's not like I got shot."

"You basically got stabbed by a metal machine, Lucas."

"I'm informing you that I'm coming back to school on Friday." He says it so formally like his tone made it final.

I cross my hands on my hips and roll my eyes.

I swear he's more stubborn than me.

"Ya know I'm kinda hungry. Accompany me while I eat?", he lightened the mood heading to the dish Grace made with a small smile on his face.

I smile and sit on the high black leather island stools as he warms up his food.

His back has defined and I mean DEFINED muscles. They move as he heats up his food and it shows just how built he is. He doesn't showcase his back muscles in his shirts, kind of like he keeps them a secret.

Apart of me wanted to run my hand on the lines and see what shape they make when they connect.

He takes the food out and grabs a fork mixing the casserole together. He takes a bite and looks at me.

His gaze was always calm and full of rage at the same time. Ironic, right?

He continues to stare. "Want some?"

"I'm good, thank you."

As he sits down to eat I update him on the mission.

"They ID the guys."

His eyes flicker up to me.

"They tried to get them to talk and say who they were working for but they didn't budge. They did say they were the first of many."

He eats slowly in thought before speaking. "First of many over my dead body."

His tone was hard and determined, like he wasn't going to allow any more mess ups and I believed him.

Neither was I.
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3:00am

My nightmares kept me up again. This time I decided I was going to write it down no matter how much my head hurt. This same woman kept saying the same dialogue.

"NO DONT HURT HER."
"LEAVE HER ALONE."
"TAKE ME."

I wrote those three down while my head was screaming in my ears. It was torture but I knew it would help me when I'm better.

I sit up from my rubbing my eyes and trying to take deep breaths and focus on my breathing.

I am strong.
I got this.

Authors Note- just know in any situation, you got this :)