only one more chapter left after this one. i think. we'll see.
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Michelle and I's decoration project has yielded us what she calls a Nickelodeon fusion. Through her mastered skill of searching through the depths of Pinterest, she even found a replica of the ice cream sandwich futon from iCarly. I have a feeling I won't feel so strongly about it once it becomes more of a hinder than anything because my room really isn't that big. It'll probably be standing in Michelle's room soon enough.
Fluffy bean bag chairs in different colors was a must according to her, so they made the cut, and I doubt I will make much use of the lip shaped phone she forced me to thrift last week.
Michelle got her license, which really marks the end of an era. I can't imagine not having to nag the boys for a ride everyday after school next year.
It's the Fourth of July today. It's just before sunset and we're at the lake again, but there's a lot more people around than usual. People are drinking and a bonfire is being built up. I have enough of watching Calum and Tina laugh with his parents, and I take a walk down the beach, through a grove of trees. I can see Harry's dock from here.
I take off my shoes, letting them hang at my side as I step out into the water. I drag my feet, walking in circles, until I'm interrupted.
"Chandler, what are you doing?"
"Nothing," I say. Calum walks his bare feet into the water to where I am.
"What's up?"
"I'm moving," I say. "It's starting. Everything is changing. You said you'd be there for me when it started."
"You know it's not that simple."
"It is," I object. "I helped you, and I pushed my own needs to the side for you. I don't give a shit that you have a hard time repressing your romantic feelings for me to deal with what actual support I need from you. I did that for you when you needed it. I shoved my feelings for you to the side because I knew that wasn't what you needed at the moment."
"Your feelings for me?"
"Why are you acting surprised?" I scoff, dragging my foot through the water, refusing to meet his eyes. "You're not so thick that you don't know I've been, like, falling in love with you or something."
Calum doesn't say anything, and I look up at him.
"Say something."
"What am I supposed to say after you just told me you're in love with me?"
"I'm not in love with you. I'm falling in love with you."
"Is it fine if I don't say anything at all?"
"I mean, that's a little unsatisfying for me—"
Calum plants his lips on mine, his hand holding my head in place, fingers weaving themselves between my braids. I kiss him back. My hands fist his shirt and when he pulls back after a minute we breathe heavily. His hand cups my face and he smiles leaning his forehead against mine.
"What was that?" I ask him.
"My non verbal answer to you confessing your love."
"Falling in love," I correct him again.
"Shut up, Chandler," he laughs, and he kisses me again. This time I push my hands to his chest for him to back up a step. "What?"
"Why do you taste like artificial strawberry?"
"Tina's lipgloss, sorry."
"Tina..." I say. "I forgot about Tina. Calum, how could you kiss me?"
"You weren't exactly complaining a minute ago."
"But Tina."
"We're not in a relationship."
"But she probably thinks you're headed for one."
"Yeah, you're right..." He sighs. "I should probably head back."
"Yeah, you probably should."
...
July twenty third rolls around faster than I expect it to. Calum showed up at our doorstep a while ago, demanding to help me. We work side by side packing up the last of my things.
Mom and dad stay behind after I say goodbye to the house, and Calum drives me and my boxes into the city. We get them into mom's apartment on the fifth floor and we collapse onto my bed when we're done. I turn my head.
"Thanks for helping today."
"I told you I'd be there," he says.
"I love you," I blurt, and I feel all the air being sucked out of the room for a second. Then he rolls over onto his side, bringing a hand to my face. He dips his head down and kisses me. It's slow and passionate, and we barely notice the box that falls to the floor when he pulls me on top of him.
My shirt is gone in seconds, and his comes off too. He rolls us over. His kisses and his touches are filled with purpose and I smile when he intertwines our hands.
Within just a few months I have now had sex with three guys I never in my life thought I would ever have sex with. The other two pale in comparison to Calum, though.
After catching our breath I check my phone. My mother's location shows she is about to pull up to the complex any minute.
"Mom's almost here."
"Oh, all right." We put our clothes back on, and when I'm buttoning up my jeans Calum decides to speak.
"I love you," he says from across the room. I smile. Calum's phone buzzes and I take it to hand it to him. I catch Tina's name and a heart emoji beside it.
"Does Tina know that?"
"Chandler..."
"You're still with her?"
"Yes."
"You should go then."
"Chandler."
"Chandler, are you in here, sweetie?" My mother's voice echoes through the apartment.
"We're in my room," I tell her. She walks in.
"Oh, Calum. You're still here?"
"He was just leaving," I say. He holds my glare for a few seconds before turning to leave.
"Sweetie, you have to be careful with the boxes!" she exclaims upon seeing the fallen box on the floor, contents spilling out of it onto the floor. "Look, the frame is all cracked."
She picks up a picture of our whole friend group last summer. A single crack moves up from the bottom of the frame to cover Calum's face. I take it from her.
"It's fine, mom. I wasn't sure I was going to put it up anyway."
