Way Back To His Heart (Enticed Series 3)

Epilogue

The Way Back to his Heart

Angel

To my Angel,

If you're reading this, then you survived and probably, I am not by your side...

I woke up before you. You weren't doing well. I spent those last few sleepless nights of my life while staring at you in a terrible condition. It hurts so much. But it has been a usual scenario that it is hard to find an immediate heart transplant.

So I gave mine...

Nang araw na hinabol kita sa bus, isa lang ang nasa isip ko-gusto kitang balikan at wala na ako'ng balak umalis. You were standing at the back and before I could get to you, the accident happened. We're both on the verge of dying but I can still save you...

My Doctor might have been explained it to you, I suffered from brain injury...I am still normal but the effect is progressive and at the late stage. I had the option to take the surgery but it's a gamble. There is no guarantee that I might make it. I'd rather die early and preserve my heart so you can take it than live for a few months without you.

Also, I might suffer the effects later on. Memory loss and the possibility of totally losing my sanity are probable. I don't want to die without my memories of you. I'd rather die earlier while I can still remember everything.

But I regret leaving you so soon, I should at least apologized and tell you the reason why I left you, ten years ago. I couldn't tell you the reason because it seems so non sense to me.

Alam ko'ng tunay at buo ang nararamdaman mo sa akin, that makes me the happiest person...for the first time in my life. Mula nang magkaroon ako ng ulirat sa mundo at sa buhay naging bulag ako sa lahat ng bagay. I always question my existence and that I live for nothing. I received treatments at an early age. Medyo natakot si Mama dahil kakaiba ako sa aming magkakapatid. I was the silent one with no feelings, no goals and nothing else. I've been living my life formlessly. The whole world looks like a monochrome to me, but then you came...it was then I am starting to see the true colors of the world.

You might think I'm blind but I knew it from the start, that I became your world and that is...my selfish reason to leave you.

I lost my mother and it felt like I lost everything. I knew I still have you but you and my mother are almost the same. She always puts me first before herself... until she died. She died because of working hard for me... for her family. I didn't like that part about her.

The longer I stayed in your life, the harder I can predict the extent of the things you'd do for me. I don't want that. I don't want to be your world.

I want to preserve your future even if that means hurting you. It's selfish but this is who I am. And you still love me right?

After writing this far, I'm starting to hate writing this letter. My decisions led me to lose ten years with you and I'll never be able to take it back or make up for it.

I didn't foresee it, no one could. But I could have done something right?

I can't remember how many times I ask for my own death, now that it has come, I can't believe I'm begging for life. But that's too late.

I'm sorry for hurting you ten years ago, now and forever. I know I left a wound that will never fade away within you...but I wanted to do this at least for you...

But please, don't cry forever. I did not totally disappear. As long as my heart is still beating, I still exist somewhere within you. You have my heart now and that also means I'm always with you. So stop being depressed for a long time and live for it.