i hate that i love you | a swan queen story

CHAPTER NINE

It felt like the world was crashing around Regina as she drowned in the pain. She thought about what happened so often, but she couldn't show it. They were never really together, and she was the mayor. She was an important figure, she had an image to keep up with. So, on the outside, she just acted, well to the best of her ability, normal. When she was at home however, that was another matter. She was better when Henry was around, he knew what was going on kinda... and it meant she did not feel so alone.

After around a week, she began to feel a little better and a lot more confident again. She knew she had to talk to Emma...but every time she tried there was no Emma to talk to. She would open the door to see her when Henry was being dropped off, but it would turn out that she has stayed in the car and already driven off. She would go to the sheriff station but as soon as she walked in, there would be some huge 'crisis' that she has to attend to straight away and Emma would fly out the door. No matter how hard Regina tried, Emma just wouldn't talk to her.

Regina had started to feel better...but then having Emma avoid her, it just made everything worse again. She suffered with the constant ringing in her ears saying 'it was a mistake' and it wouldn't go away.

So, one day, she decided to sit outside Emma's apartment until she got back. She needed answers and she was going to get them. Regina was not going to give up, no matter what pain it put her through. She just had to know.

Emma arrived home from work very late that night as her mind was buzzing with this new case and her mind was the furthest from Regina it could be. So coming home and seeing what she saw was a huge shock to her. She instantly noticed Regina sitting on her doorstep, with her head leaning against the front door. She had fallen asleep and she looked exhausted. Emma could see the bags under her eyes, she looked truly awful.

"Regina.." Emma said quietly, "Regina."

Regina's eyes opened slowly. She sat up, rubbing her eyes and yawning. "E-Emma?"

"Yeah, it's me. What are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious? I need to talk to you..you have been avoiding me. This seemed like the only way."

Emma sighed. "Fine...but only for five minutes."

Regina nodded groggily, she was still adjusting to being awake. She got up and Emma unlocked the door. They both went inside. Emma's eyes were narrowed and she was not happy that she had company. Especially because they had left off on such strange and awkward circumstances.

"So...talk." Emma said, staring at Regina.

"Emma why are you avoiding me?"

"You know why. We both made a mistake. But now I guess we need to own up to it and change things." Emma told her.

Regina looked at her, afraid of what she was implying. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, that I think it's time our 'relationship (she made quotation marks with her fingers) comes to an end. It was stupid. It got thoughts into our heads which shouldn't have been there, and the result was our ki-shared moment..."

If Regina thought her heart couldn't be broken even more, she was wrong. She had to keep herself together though. Put on an appearance. When she got home it could all come crumbling down and she could feel upset. Right now however, she forced herself to smile.

"Okay...I guess I'll be going then." Regina said, she couldn't look at Emma any longer or she knew she wouldn't be able to stop the tears. She poofed herself home and into her living room.

Coincidentally, Henry was sitting in there at that moment. As soon as he saw Regina he leaped up and put his arms around her. "It's okay Mom..I'm here."

Regina cried into his shoulder, grateful for the fact that Henry could be strong when she was anything but it. She looked at him, tears still streaming down her face. "We're-We're not dating, well f-fake dating, any-y more..." She struggled to get her words out. Henry just comforted her, letting her cry.

Regina's breathing slowed, and she calmed down. It still hurt every bit as much, but she tried to get herself together. "Sorry...you shouldn't have to see me like this Henry..." She said, wiping her tears away and sitting down. He sat next to her.

"Don't worry Mom...I just want you to be happy. It doesn't matter what you look like, I'm going to be here for you." He told her, with a smile on his face.

"I love you, so much." She gave him a weak smile.

"I love you too Mom, it will get better soon." He let her lean against him as he continued to play his video games.

They sat there in comfortable silence for a while longer, but then Regina's eyes became droopy and she was falling asleep. Before she did however, she pulled herself up to her bed room. It was a safe space for her, her own space. She flopped onto her bed and layed down, breathing heavily. She let her mind wonder...and of course her thoughts were prominently about what had happened..but also, she still thought of her love for Emma, and the amazing memories they had had together. Even though they were painful memories as she knew they would only ever be friends, she knew she would cherish them forever anyway.

I always knew our relationship wasn't going to last...but it still hurts just as much. Will my broken heart ever be healed...I'll probably always love her.