˗ˏˋ 𝑭𝑨𝑳𝑳 ˎˊ˗ ʜᴀɪᴋʏᴜᴜ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀsᴇ ʜᴀʀᴇᴍ

𝙎𝙄𝙇𝙀𝙉𝘾𝙀 ¹⁰

( in which she has a moment alone )

𝑰𝑻 𝑾𝑨𝑺 𝑳𝑨𝑻𝑬, dinner was over and most everyone had showered and gone to bed. The beetles and other bugs occasionally humming while the cool zephyr filled the silence inside gym two. A lone figure stood at the back of the court, the ball cart next to her. She had showered and she had tried to close her eyes but she couldn't sleep, her thoughts were too loud. Managers had the responsibility of locking the gyms so the brunette was able to get in without struggle.

Her fists were clenched as she stared blankly at the volleyball net. Her eyes were empty, she was too concentrated on blank space and without looking away from the net, she grabbed a ball. Slowly, her gaze moved down to stare at the ball in her hands. This, this right here was part of the reason why she was left alone. The fact that she found enjoyment in the familiar sting of her hands and arms that came from the contact of the ball was eating her alive. If she didn't have volleyball, she would have a mother. Weird how such a simple activity could change a life. Though, it wasn't just an activity, it was practically her life. Ever since she could pass a ball successfully she fell in love with the sport but now she wasn't so sure.

It made her angry.

The brunette was getting eaten alive by her own thoughts and she hated it. How one person, a few words could change her whole life and what she believed. She was confused and lost and she didn't know how to handle it, everything she's ever known about her mother, the woman who gave birth to her was a lie. To the lone girl, she wasn't a mother. Merely a stranger that has told her the truth. Maybe it was best to lie, she couldn't get mad at her father for trying to save her from a broken childhood. Maybe her father should've told her that her mother never loved her so she could have already moved past it. There were too many 'what if's' and 'maybe's'.

Somi inhaled.

The feel of the ball, her hands were so familiar with it and she didn't know if she loved it or not. Her eyes stared dead set on the back left corner on the court. Her eyes calculating and her body ready to follow through with control, precision and elegance. The knowingness of where to hit it and how hard was satisfying but she didn't know whether she liked it or not. The ball was tossed into the air and without even giving a single thought to her damaged ankle, she took off and hit it.

Somi exhaled.

The ball hit the corner just as she thought it would but her face remained blank. There was no happiness, no childish excitement that usually came whenever she hit a good serve. She just stared at the ball that continued to roll away. The girl was confused, did she enjoy the crack of the ball? she knows she did yesterday. She didn't know if she like it or not anymore, such a vital part of her life just suddenly felt not as vital at the moment. Did she really need that enjoyment that came from the ball? Her questions were unable to be answered but she knew that she had to answer it herself. She wasn't going to stop hitting the ball until she knew the answer.

So she picked up another and got in position, starting from a single overhand serve all the way to a jump float serve but still, nothing. There was no answer that the girl couldn't find a hole in. She knew the answer yesterday but why not today? Why was she so.... lost all of a sudden?

She grew frustrated with herself. So she grabbed another and hit it, the ball going out of the court, smashing against the hardwood floor. The anger  from when she's seen the woman was bubbling to the surface and so she grabbed another ball and hit it with just as much frustration she felt. It wasn't enough.

So she grabbed another ball and hit it,

again,

and again,

and again,

and again,

and again.

The ball cart was empty and Somi's ankle throbbed from each and every impact when she came back down from her jump. She was still in the dark about her answers and her hand stung. All that anger, frustration, confusion, it all bubbled out and overflowed until all that was left over was a puddle of tears.

Her knees gave out and she fell to the court, she felt like her heart was being squeezed. Her soft sobs were covered by her mouth, her vision blurring from the sudden onslaught of tears. Her body instinctually curled into a ball and she wept. Her sobs were silent to anybody outside the gym, her pain wasn't physical but it was just as hard on her mind as hit would be on her body. So, their she laid in the gym at the back of the court.

She was vulnerable and she was sad, her bleary vision and messy sobs made it quite obvious. She felt even worse than when she did when she let down her team. It was like her shell that she hid in was now a cage and she didn't have any motivation anymore. She was just a confused and scared little girl who's unsure of herself in the big bad world. The worst part for someone who's hit their lowest was that they had no shoulder for them to cry on. They were lonely and everyone was oblivious to their silent pain.

This type of pain was horrible. There was no gash or cut or stab or any physical wound that could heal or be stitched up. This was no fever or illness that could be cured. This wasn't a simple paper cut and band aid situation. No you can heal physical wounds like that but this was something different. This was a cold and lonely body, lost thoughts and head full of darkness. This was a longing for something even she couldn't explain. This was pain,

And it felt unbearable.