In the End

31 ~ Stop

I've always wondered what a broken heart would feel like and now I know.

I've done everything in my power to ensure I never experienced pain like this. I kept relationships at an arms length. Never dated anyone who I knew could hurt me. Always played it smart.

The ironic part is, my heart is broken and I still technically have a boyfriend. That can just be added as another chapter in the book of why I hate myself.

I haven't gotten out of bed in two days. Usually my family would notice, especially with so many in town, but today is different. While I'm mourning the relationship I never got, they're mourning the friends they never got to grow old with.

Katherine and Mateo Rhodes died four years ago. That should bother me and I guess, on some level, it does. But we were never close to them. They were best friends with my mom and aunts. Technically, Katherine was my Godmother.

None of that mattered since we rarely got to see them.

I think that's why today always hits my mom a little harder. She doesn't just mourn the dead. She mourns the almost 20 years they were alive that she didn't get to have with them. I think that's why I'm so happy to be friends with Sage again.

I don't want to have regrets.

In the late afternoon, I finally drag myself out of bed and give in to my hunger. Going downstairs, I'm surprised to find my aunts, uncles, and mom laughing around the kitchen table with beer bottles in hand.

"Shit, do you remember when Kat convinced me to sneak out of the house?" Aunt Hallie asks.

"You broke your damn arm." Mom laughs.

"And then passed out." Aunt Callie chimes in.

"I had to carry you all the way to the hospital." Uncle Ricardo sips his drink. "That was a hike."

"It was you or John and we all know he would've gotten handsy." Aunt Callie tsks.

"Tell that to my back." He grunts and mom hits him. "Kat was the worst."

"Let's not forget about how Matty almost got you shot." She reminds him.

"It was not my fault he decided to mouth off. Like we knew the guy had a gun." He defends himself. "You ladies were the whole reason we were at that bar."

My aunts and mom share an innocent smile. "It was ladies night."

That gets a laugh out of me and everyone looks up. "Jo, darling, are you okay?"

"Fine." I rush out, admiring their tear stained faces and smiles. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's okay." Mom stands up and hugs me. "I love you."

Throwing my arms around her, I choke back my tears. I'm happy someone does. "I-I love you too." She catches onto my tone and pulls back but I force a smile. "Continue sharing stories; I just need some fresh air."

Not waiting for their approval, I flee outside.

Parking myself on the front porch, I hug my sides to generate some sort of warmth. The silence is a welcomed distraction. It drowns out my sorrows with the sense of nothing.

"What the hell do you mean, the hospital?" Someone screams, startling me. Gabe comes into view, a phone pressed to his ear. "No, Conner, I'm not going to calm down."

Well, I wanted a distraction.

"No, I'll be there as soon as I can." He fumbles through his pockets before pulling out keys. "I haven't been drinking."