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Day 12 Feelings

Day 12

It was one in the morning when I woke up feeling thirsty. I had two choices, either to sleep thirsty or get up and drink from the kitchen. I used to keep the bottle on the nightstand every night but I forgot to keep it that night.

When we reached home from the beach, both of us were exhausted and retired to our respective rooms. But I, being an idiot, forgot to thank Vansh for a wonderful day. So thankful.

Slapping my head and groaning at the same time, I got up from the bed and went to the kitchen. As I walked through the hallway, I saw a man standing in the hallway in the dark.

I almost had a heart attack when my eyes fell on Vansh. His hair was flying due to the cool breeze. The moonlight just made the whole scene, in front of me, more beautiful by falling on him.

But he looked a bit stressed and in deep thought. Why was he not asleep? His back faced me and his hands were against the black railing of the balcony. I entered the balcony and stood beside him. His eyes were closed and he was frowning, breathing deeply.

I knew he did not sense me coming because if he did he would hide his stressed expression and replace it with a smile. It was very rare for him to show his vulnerable side to anyone.

I shifted a bit closer and then kept a hand on his shoulder. He was startled. He opened his eyes and took a step back, but when he realised it was me, he took a step closer, relaxing.

"Why are you up so late?" he furrowed his eyebrows and smiled. I gave him a knowing look and shook my head looking into his eyes.

"I woke up thirsty" I replied standing next to him, with my hands on the railing and looking at the sea and the moon.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" he said, staring at the sea and then turning at me. His pupils dilated a bit.

I nodded. Indeed it was beautiful. Voh chand pyaara pyaara.

"One day I was not able to sleep so I was wandering in the house like a ghost. Somehow dadi ma got to know this and she came to talk to me. She said 'you cannot sleep when you don't have peace with yourself' and guess what helps in doing peace with oneself, sharing the problems, and letting people help you" I said hoping he would understand. Knowing him, I knew he would. He looked at me while I was looking at the sea.

"It's a long story," he stated, not looking at me but the sea. I turned my ear towards him, looking him in the eyes and smiling.

"Well we've time," I said and sat on the levered floor, beside the door to the balcony, in the entrance. He looked at me and did the same, smilingly.

We sat there looking at the sea in complete silence. The cold breeze made me feel good, I closed my eyes to enjoy the feeling of cold air hitting my skin. And after, what feels like an eternity, he spoke up.

"My sister was a very chubby kid. Everyone used to pick on her, including me and teachers. This was just all fun but once she entered her teen years, it became really hard for her. I have no idea who made those stupid beauty standards and I didn't care back then but Ketki? She cared. According to all those movies, television advertisements began to bother her. She started believing that she was very fat and ugly. But the truth? The truth was she was the prettiest girl ever. She was not fat. Even those teachers in School also started making jokes about her, body-shaming her. All the students in her class made fun of her. She used to cry every night before sleeping. But what she did next was unbelievable. She started skipping her meals, avoided eating. She would give her lunch box to someone in school. At home, she would somehow avoid eating. All this to become thin. No one of us said anything because we thought that it was just a phase. But it was who she was becoming. My little girl became Anorexic. We noticed when she started losing her weight. And the fact that she joined the gym didn't help. She blacked out one day at the gym and we took her to the doctor, Where the doctor said that if she continued doing this, she would face very serious consequences. After that, we changed her school immediately but did complain to the principal about the teachers and students. In a few weeks, she had a healthy weight but the mental damage that was done? It was so hard for her to heal. She lost all her confidence. She would not talk to us more openly. I tried so many times, but those things scarred her. She used to look at herself in the mirror with disgust."

I know what she felt like. I was a dusky girl. I remembered how many years I have seen and hated my reflection in the mirror, how much I have hated being who I was, how many times I have avoided going out with friends because of that.

I just moved close to him. His arms were on his things, his hands were intertwined and he was staring down. I, with my left hand, untangled his hands and tangled my left hand with his right hand. He just looked up and was on the verge of crying.

"Today, I was talking to her on the phone and we had an argument where she said that I was not there for her and I was also one who troubled her. But this all is the only reason I don't like it when you skip meals. This guilt eats me up."

I could no longer see his grief-stricken eyes and ashen face so I pulled him in a hug. He rested his head on my shoulder and we sat there in silence. Only the noise of the sea could be heard. After some time, he lifted his head from my shoulder and rested it against my forehead.

"Thank you," he said.

"For what?"

"For listening and helping."

"Well then thank you for a wonderful day"

"Wonderful? I probably ruined it by this" he smiled a little and scoffed.

"Ruined? You made it more beautiful" I smiled and nudged him a little by my forehead.

"I thought you would hate me after knowing this"

"No one can hate you, Vansh" I looked at him and smiled.

"I am so lucky to have you," he said, lifting his head and looking me in the eye.

Our faces were so close and he looked so amazing, I was dazed. The moonlight falling on his face did fair to him. He was breathtakingly handsome.

"I've always liked you." He continued. This knocked all the air out of my lungs and I suddenly forgot how to breathe properly. I felt this strange happiness in my chest. I blinked rapidly to know whether what I heard was the truth or not.

"I-I-I-" I was officially incapable of speaking. I did not know what to say or how to say.

"It's okay. You don't need to say anything. Take your time." My respect for him increased. I respected and cherished him more than anything. He didn't force me for anything.

Vansh's a gentleman.

**** 

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