trauma [m.s]

xvi.

- - -
there's a reason surgeons learn to wield scalpels. we like to pretend we're hard, cold scientists. we like to pretend we're fearless.
- - -

chloe's eyes flutter open to find herself still lying mark's bed with him sleeping soundly beside her. slowly, she slides out from under the covers and sits on the edge of the bed, her back facing mark.

as she is reaching down to retrieve her discarded shirt from the ground, a car horn honks outside, waking mark from his slumber. stretching, mark rolls over, rubbing his eyes as they fall on the smooth skin of chloe's back.

"you don't have to leave," mark says, his voice slightly raspy, and she gasps, jumping at the sound of his voice.

"no. i do," chloe pulls her shirt over her head and stands from the bed, turning back around to face mark.

"well... do you want some breakfast," mark props himself up on his elbow as he watches her finish getting dressed, intently.

"you don't have to do this," chloe assures.. "we have rules. i- i'm not supposed to sleep over. i was just so tired. i thought i was gonna close my eyes for a second."

"it's okay," mark chuckles.

"it's not," chloe shakes her head, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. "this is casual. it's not about snuggling in the morning. it's easy. if we start breaking rules, again, then this becomes something else. and i can't have it being something else."

"altman, i was gonna order some food, so if you want some... or you know, something else," mark smirks.

"i'm fine," chloe assures, pulling her jacket on as she walks around his bed. "i gotta go find a costume for this thing at joe's tonight, and i'm already running late, so..."

"that's right. it's halloween," mark groans, throwing his head back momentarily as chloe opens the hotel room door. "happy-"

mark cuts himself off when the door bangs shut behind the blonde, and he exhales sharply as he collapses back into the bed.

- - -
but the truth is we become surgeons because somewhere deep down we think we can cut away that which haunts us.
- - -

rushing through the hospital, due to her being late, chloe turns the corner and crashes straight into meredith. she gasps as she watches the resident's charts clatter to the ground, along with a bag of grey ashes.

"oh!" meredith gasps. "oh, my god."

"what is that?" chloe furrows her brow as she drops to her knees, helping to pick the charts back up.

"it's charts," meredith shrugs.

"meredith," chloe raises her brow as she watches the resident scoop the ashes up with her bare hands and shove them back into the bag.

"it's my mom," meredith admits, seeing chloe's eyes widen with the revelation. "i had her in my cubby, and she was freaking people out, so i was just gonna go put her in the car. do you think that's disrespectful, to leave her in the car?"

"it's a little..." chloe shrugs, wiggling her head side to side.

"it's not that strange," meredith lowers her voice slightly as she shakes her head. "i'm trying to figure out how to put her to rest. i can't shove her in the back of my closet anymore. i have to deal with her. so... cubby or car?"