The Will of Two Worlds (Avatar Female OC)

60. Admitting Partial Truths

Silence feel for a while until I felt a hand fall onto my shoulder, making me slowly look up at Mo'at standing over me, a deep frown set into her face.

"You cannot control everything, Hetibay, it is important lesson to learn. I see in eyes deep pain you hide, do not let it consume you. I will not ask of what cause pain, as lips looser than you would speak, but I ask that you let someone in on hidden pain, Hetibay, before it consume you." Mo'at said wisely, patting me on the shoulder and leaving the room, leaving me to my thoughts.

There is only one person I think I can talk to, but could I reveal why I changed to living in the moment?

I know where Tsu'tey will have gone.

<><><><><>

I slowly walked around a tree, looking out over the cliff. I heard along the way that Jake and Grace got kicked out of their Link's, making me worried for my friends, but there is one person who needs my help more than any other. And whatever help I can offer before I inevitably pass will make my final days just that much sweeter.

I studied Tsu'tey, seeing him pacing tensely like a feral cat on it edge of the cliff. I wasn't worried about him falling, I know he has near impeccable balance. I placed my hands against the tree, watching him pace back and forth. My head still felt light and floaty, but I feel a bit more like myself, a little more in control of what I say or do. I waited an hour, sitting on my hammock, before coming out here to speak to Tsu'tey.

I know only too well what it's like to love someone you can never be with due to duty. I don't know who the lucky Na'vi woman is, but I happy and sad for Tsu'tey. Sad that he cannot be with her, happy that he found someone he likes. Thought my heart hurts at the thought that I will always love him and never have the affection returned, it also filled me with hope for the Na'vi warrior, hope that he will one day find a Tsahik who can stand by his side and also love him. 

No matter how much that hurts to think.

while I have, shortly, fantasied in him talking about me, it also filled me with more pain than joy. Because, if it was me he spoke of... it would leave him in unimaginable pain when I passed. 

He never showed anything more than friendly affection towards me, so I felt relieved to know the Na'vi woman in question is not me. Yet, it is also painful to think that he too thinks me a friend, that I know to be true. It saddens me to know he will still be hurt when I pass, but I am too selfish to leave.

Live like everyday is your last. So many could live happier in such a way.

I stepped out from behind the tree, making Tsu'tey stop pacing. His eyes flashed up to me with rage before the rage faded and confusion took place.

"Heti? Should you not be in hammock, resting to heal? You took bad head wound, you need rest." Tsu'tey said with worry.

I looked down at my feet in sadness before looking up with determination, "I try to avoid going back to my Sky Person body unless I have to anymore." I said quietly, unwilling to admit that fact. Tsu'tey frowned, watching me closely as I fiddled with the Eagle Feather in my hair, looking everywhere but in his eyes.

"Why you avoid rest, Heti?" Tsu'tey asked quietly, sensing that this is a sensitive topic to me. I continued to avoid his eyes, thinking of a way to admit this without admitting that I am actually dying.

Finally, my mind settled on a partial truth as I watched the sun sink over the horizon.

"Before I arrived at Pandora, I was cold, cut off, emotionless, because I lost the only person I even remotely opened my heart to since I lost my parents as a child." I stated, Tsu'tey watching me with interest, "After his death, I decided all emotions of love were not worth it, and locked everything I felt away from the world, even ignoring a friend who had become much like a brother to me." I said sadly, sitting at the base of a tree as I put my head back against the trunk, staring up a Polyphemus.

"I ignored everyone, and everything. I was a ghost of my former self. Then I arrived on Pandora, where I had to keep myself closed off from my beliefs so no one would suspect me of my heritage." I said, closing my eyes, "What I am trying to say is... all my life, I shut out others, because those I let in, I lost. My parents, my best friend, and now I am slowly loosing the home I built here. Quaritch is an insane man, he won't stop, he won't give up, his kind are the same ones who killed my father in battle and I will never see them as the same species as me." I said viciously, taking a deep breath, "The reason I am avoiding my Sky Person body is... is here? I feel strong, I feel like I can help, I can do good, help Eywa, help the Omaticaya, but there? In that shell? I feel weak, useless, cut off from the world and any way I can help." I admitted, closing my eyes tight once more.

It was a partially admitted truth, but nothing that outright states just how weak that body now is.

I heard Tsu'tey sit against another tree, making me peek open an eye to study him. He seemed to be thinking pretty hard.

"But... that's enough about me, I just... needed to talk to someone and I have no one else I can trust with such information. How are you? Today was... pretty awful, the destruction of The Tree of Voices, Neytiri and Jake, and your admitting to liking a Na'vi woman. I won't ask what her name is, but really, are you okay?" I asked, looking at Tsu'tey with worry.

He just stared at me with wide, incredulous eyes, not moving a muscle.

"Um, don't want to talk about what happened today? Erm, alright..." I said, looking out over the cliff, "Did Eytukan continue with the War Party? If he did, I assume you leave tomorrow to take out the remaining bulldozers." I said, trying to change the conversation, glancing at Tsu'tey to find him still looking at me with that stupefied look, like he was absolutely astonished by something I said.

"Tsu'tey? Do you... do you want me to go?" I asked nervously, wondering if he was astonish I was trying to even speak about what happened today. I made to stand when I suddenly felt a hand on my arm, making me look down to see Tsu'tey's hand on my arm before following it up to his face. He had a little oddly amused look, which confused me before he shook his head and chuckled.

I frowned, that wasn't a happy chuckle, that was a more saddened chuckle. I sat back down, watching him as he look up into my eyes.

"I am okay, Heti, you no need to leave. Stay." Tsu'tey said. I smiled lightly at him, looking out at the last rays from the sun as I relaxed, hardly aware of Tsu'tey's hand sliding down my arm to lay over my own hand before the absolute exhaustion I could no longer fight pulled me under.

Lol! Poor Hettie, so clueless... well, that adorable little chapter is a cute little part before...

Before things get really, really sad.

Enjoy.