Two Boys Learning

26. Hurting

TW: MENTIONS AND THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE AND SELF-HARM--I FORGOT TO PUT IT IN JGHSKDHKAHFJA IM SO SORRY OH GOD

Ash slumped against the wall, dragging his fingers through his hair, a sob catching in his throat. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know why it hurt so much, so blindly, so everywhere.

Maybe you had it right, Mom, he thought suddenly. Maybe you weren't that far off. Maybe the world just isn't meant to be lived in by people like me.

His dad was out, probably to some bar where he would get so drunk someone would have to drag him home. He was alone in the house.

His breath caught in his throat, and he slowly straightened, swiping furiously at his face to get rid of tears that would be his damnation if his dad were to walk in that door. He stumbled into the kitchen, fumbling for a drawer, yanking it open.

He stared at the slightly dirty china, and then his gaze drifted to the broken pieces his dad had thrown on the floor but Ash couldn't bear to throw away. He reached for one, staring at the sharp edge, and inhaled a little, wondering if it would hurt if he just cut a little too deep, let a little too much blood flow without calling anyone.

His mother's face flashed into his mind. Of her lying on the floor in her room, her blonde hair stained with blood, so much blood, everywhere, like the walls were bleeding, and the source of it all two gaping slits in her wrists.

He could do that.

He could kill himself.

Who would miss him? Not Will. Will hated him now.

He stared at the piece of china that was just as shattered as he was. He held it to the tender skin of his wrist. He swallowed hard.

I'm sorry, Mom.

~ ~ ~

I know, where you stand. Silent, in the trees. And that's, where I am. Standing, cowardly.

Will closed his eyes, not paying attention to anything other than his music. He didn't look in Tristan's direction, or listen to the teacher, or write notes for the test they were supposed to be taking this Friday.

It wasn't what you thought.

What was that supposed to mean? That Ash was regretting dumping him? It was too little, too late.

Or, that's what Will told himself.

The bell rang, and the teacher called for everyone to study their notes and come back prepared for the test. Will didn't move for a moment, and then sighed and started packing his stuff up.

He needed answers.

Even though there were at least three more blocks in the day, he made his way to his truck and tossed his bag in the passenger seat, jamming the keys in the ignition and backing out of the parking lot. He drove to the park where Ash had somehow always shown up, and turned off the car, waiting in the parking lot.

There was a figure sitting on the swings, and Will puffed out a breath just as a few drops of rain splattered on the windshield. He sighed and flipped up his hood, knowing it wouldn't make much difference because what was cloth against a torrent of icy water?

He climbed out of his truck as the rain started coming down harder, and tucked his phone in his pocket, trudging over to the swings. He would recognize that small frame, that brown hair,  anywhere.

He sat on the swing next to Ash and didn't say anything. Neither did Ash, and they just sat in silence while the rain poured down around them. Will didn't look at him, instead focusing at the growing puddle on the pavement in front of him.

"I'm sorry," Ash said, so quietly Will almost missed it. "I'm so, so sorry. If I could go back in time and fix that day, I would."

Will didn't respond for a long time. When he finally did, he was surprised when his voice didn't waver. "It's okay, Ash. You just didn't feel the same."

Ash turned to look at him, and Will saw tears in his clear blue eyes. "But that's the thing," Ash said, his voice breaking. "I--I did feel the same. I do. But--" His voice broke again, and he rose from the swing, swiping furiously at his face and stomping off toward the bathrooms.

Will didn't dare breathe. Then he burst into action, rising from the swing and jogging to catch up with Ash in one fluid motion.

"What?" he said breathlessly, grabbing Ash's arm and whipping the smaller boy to face him. "What did you say?"

Ash sniffed and swiped at his face again. "I--it doesn't matter, Will, because if this--" he motioned between himself and Will "--keeps happening, then he'll somehow find out, and--" His voice snagged and tears started streaming down his face.

Will cupped Ash's face in his hands, wiping away his tears with his thumbs. "Ash," he said quietly. "Asher. Hey. Please, look at me, baby. Please?"

A sob wrenched out of Ash, and he slumped forward into Will's arms, burying his face in Will's soaking wet hoodie. Will held him close, feeling the smaller boy's heart pounding against him, and kissed the top of his head. They just stood there for what seemed like hours, the rain pouring down around them, and Will couldn't help but be reminded of the first time he and Riley had kissed. Ash's breathing finally slowed, and Will gently pushed him away, sliding his fingers beneath Ash's jaw and tilting his face up so that he was looking right in his eyes.

"Ash," he murmured, his eyes dancing over the face that was as familiar to him as his own. "Ash, hey. It's okay. You don't need to explain anything to me. It's okay."

Ash hiccuped, and then he jerked forward, his arms sliding around Will's neck as he kissed him suddenly and roughly.

Will reacted immediately, his hands going around Ash's waist, and he felt himself hardening against the smaller boy. God, I fucking missed this, he thought, pulling Ash somehow even closer to him as he ravaged the smaller boy's mouth with his, their tongues dancing together. Ash's freezing hand slid beneath Will's shirt, bunching the fabric as his hand traveled higher, higher, and his icy fingers circled Will's nipple. He gasped onto Ash's mouth and hoisted the smaller boy up, Ash's legs wrapping around his waist as if he could read his mind, and staggered back against the wall of the bathroom as the rain poured down around them.

Ash moaned softly and gasped a little, pulling back, a sudden and very real terror in his eyes.

"That was a bad idea," he squeaked. "My dad is gonna--he's gonna find out, and--" Ash's hand went, almost unconsciously, to his face, where a faint bruise was still showing.

Will went utterly and completely still, his eyes trained on that faint bruise and the shaking fingers over it, and something in his mind clicked.

"He hits you," Will realized, the barely veiled fury evident in his voice. "He hits you?!?"

Ash paled visibly, and Will shoved away from the bathroom wall, dropping Ash, who stumbled a little. Will clenched his jaw, flexing his fingers. "Where do you live," he snarled. 

Ash's lips trembled. "W-will, please don't," he squeaked. "He--he doesn't want me to tell people. He--" His voice caught and fresh tears streamed down his cheeks.

Will stared at him in open-mouthed shock. "Ash," he groaned, dragging his hands through his hair. "I can't not do anything! You--he--I don't--" He was so furious that anyone would even think about hurting this beautiful boy in front of his that he couldn't find any words.

"You're staying at my place," Will decided, "and I don't give a fuck if you don't want to."

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Okay. First of all. 

s o r r y.

Second of all, what did you guys think? I got a bunch of good ideas for how Will would find out, both from people reading this book and from my own big head, but I'm pretty proud of the way I decided to help him figure it out, you know?

Vote, comment, and follow me! Pls!

Q: Instagram?

A: Yurp. I'm @tex.mex.__. 

I think.

:)