THIRTY-NINE
I heard someone sobbing and choking on tears, and it took me a moment to realize the sounds were coming from my throat. Inakay ni Key ang ulo ko papunta sa dibdib niya at kusa kong siniksik ang mukha ko doon. Waves and waves of painful, humiliating tears continued to stream down my face as I pressed my cheeks deeper into his uniform.
Wala na akong pakialam kung may pumasok man sa SC room at makakita sa'kin ngayon. I was just so tired of trying to hold everything together when in reality my life was just coming apart at the seams.
When I felt Key lean towards me, my head came up, our bangs skimming against each other, and my breath still hitched in tiny, shuddering whimpers. Sinuklay niya ang mga kumpol ng basang buhok na dumikit sa mukha ko gamit ang mga daliri niya.
"This is a temporary thing, Prez, I'll come home to you when things get... better." Or worse, I thought, but I didn't voice the words out because I knew they were awful. "And hihingan pa namin ng second opinion si Dad sa Canada." Kalmado ang mukha ni Key habang kausap ako, but I can read the worry in his eyes.
"I know it won't be easy but we'll make this work, I promise," he nuzzled my ear, his tone turning soft.
Hindi ako nakasagot dahil patuloy lang ako sa pag-iyak. I turned my face to the hollow of his shoulder this time, further staining his vest and shirt with tears, at malamang ay may kahalo pa ngang uhog.
I was aware that this news about Key's Dad was unfortunate, and I felt bad for him and the rest of their family, I really did, pero hindi ko maiwasang hindi maapektuhan at masaktan sa pag-alis ni Keith Kato. I felt wronged and it was selfish. Now I would have to endure everyday without my parents and him by my side.
He wrapped his arms around me, tightening his hold. "Stop crying now, Ellie, please. It's heartbreaking seeing you like this."
Umiling ako sa balikat niya. "Kailangan ko 'tong ilabas, maybe I'll feel better after I let it out." Each word I uttered was broken and more gasped than said, hard to understand and probably agonizing to hear. "Too much bottled up."
And for the next little while, he held and rocked me, murmuring wordlessly. Ilang minuto rin kaming ganoon, at noong kumalma na 'ko sa wakas, ako na ang nakasandal sa pinto't and he was the one pressing me against it.
"Better?" he asked, propping his chin against the top of my head after I released a long sigh, signaling the end of the storm, for now.
I grumbled a non-response and he stroked the line of my jaw, urging me to answer. "Hmm?"
"No." I finally responded, still sulking.
Natawa siya at bahaygang lumayo sa'kin para matitigan ako at pinunas niya ang mga daliri niya sa natitira kong mga luha. "We'll make this work," he said again, with urgency in his voice this time.
———
Key and I parted when we were asked to go home after the parents' meeting. Wala pa ring desisyon sa kapalaran naming dalawa dahil kailangan daw dumaan ng kaso namin sa isa pang round ng deliberation. I loathed that our agony was being prolonged, tapos iniisip ko pa kung kailan ba kailangang umalis pa-Toronto ni Keith Kato. All this anxiety has caused a permanent weight to settle on my chest and even breathing was starting to feel like a struggle.
That night, true to their words, my parents popped open bottles of wine after dinner. Naging tatlo pa nga, eh, dahil nagbukas din ng kanya si Grammy, and she poured a glass for me while we were perched on our usual dining table seats.
"How are things looking for Ellie and Key?" tanong ni Grammy kina Mommy and Dad matapos niyang refill-an ang baso niya the second time.
"Not quite good," Dad admitted. "Some of the parents kept insisting na they had set a bad example to the student body, at kung sino pa raw dapat ang model students ay sila pa ang nag violate ng school rules."
