i just think you're so cute.

im sorry.

tw: major character death and suic-de, be advised and proceed with caution.

"i'm going to the bathroom!" ashido stood up, putting her fork down.

i was spaced out, i had already finished my food so now that i had nothing to do, it was just me and my thoughts.

"kat? hey!" denki clapped in my face.

"don't do that shit." i glared up at him, although i was relieved that he distracted me from my increasingly toxic thoughts.

"well sorry, but you're being a serious bummer. you aren't talking at all!" he huffed. "we dragged you out here to bring up your mood!"

"don't be rude about it, denki." hanta elbowed him.

"my mind's occupied." i picked at my food, putting some in my mouth. "i keep thinkin' about her. i'd love to see her one more time."

"i'm not necessarily a believer in the afterlife, but i'm sure she's happy and watching over you, wherever she is." ei smiled.

"we could always summon her with an ouija board. that's what we did with my folks." denki laughed, sipping his drink.

"shut up dumbass." i rolled my eyes, cracking a smile.

"no, seriously! it was like four in the morning and i was really wasted so hanta and i decided to.."

i tuned his voice out as he began telling the story. i knew what he was trying to do, intentionally or otherwise. he was trying to distract me from my thoughts because he knows what it's like to lose a parent.. or two. although, naturally, i fell back into my thoughts. thinking more and more about my mother, i became more determined to see her again. i didn't care what the cost was, even if it was my life.

"i'm going outside for some fresh air." i stood from my seat, kissing ei goodbye and waving to my friends. "tell ashido i said bye."

"bye? you're coming back anyway so it's pointless to say bye." hanta shrugged.

i laughed.

"you're right. but tell her anyways."

"whatever you say man." he sighed.

i walked out of the restaurant, the cold air hitting my face. i noticed that it had began to snow as i felt snowflakes decorate my face.

i was in a daze, no rational part of my mind was left. i was only focused on my goal of seeing my mom again. i knew that the only thing stopping me was my beating heart, and i was ready to change that.

i began to reminisce as i walked toward one of the larger buildings. the snow reminded me of the first time my mom met my friends. we were all young and having a snowball fight.

"i'm going to get you, bakugo! you can't hide from me- ow! sero!" kaminari shouted, a snowball in his shivering hand. he got nailed in the back of the head by sero while his guard was down.

"pay attention next time, idiot!" i snickered at him before throwing two balls, one at sero and one at mina.

"wha-?! you're such a jerk!" mina giggled, throwing one back before a large figure stepped in front of me and was hit instead. it was my mom and she was laughing.

"hey brats! i'm katsuki's mom, nice to meet you!"

"mooom! get out of the way, we're playing!" i shouted.

"you all seem cold.. why don't you come inside?" she invited us all in, which we accepted.

"is dad home yet?" i asked her after everyone introduced themselves.

"not yet.. he will be soon though. let's have hot cocoa!"

dad never came home that day.

i entered the building, a hotel maybe, and got on the elevator, hitting the button for the top floor so i could take the stairs to the roof. i wondered what they would think when they found me. i was sure they wouldn't mind.. they would be bummed but move on without me. they weren't my main concern though. in the end, i guess that was a bit selfish.

after getting to the top floor and making it to the roof, i sat on the edge, looking over the town. it was strangely beautiful. it was as if a silence swept over the city, because all i could hear was my own mind.

i remembered one time where we were all skipping class on the roof. we would jump off of it to escape getting caught since it wasn't very high. every day i would sit on the edge, dangling my feet and staring at the sky.

"what are you doing? reminiscing or some shit?" sero laughed, sitting beside denki.

"suck my dick, the sky is just pretty." i rolled my eyes.

"he's got a point." mina hummed. "the sky is beautiful today, look at the clouds. we're not due for rainy weather for a while."

"ashido, i never knew you loved clouds so much." kami gasped. "you should marry them instead of the girlfriend you'll never have."

"you asshole. i should push you off this roof." mina fake cried, getting up and walking towards him. she grabbed him and pinned an arm his back. "but since i'm so nice, i won't. say uncle."

"no!" denki yelled quietly enough not to alert any teachers. "i-i'm into this! it won't scare me!"

"yuck.. we know." i stuck my tongue out. "but mina knows it doesn't turn you on unless it's a guy doing it."

"that's-"

"hey! what's going on up here!" a security guard shouted.

"oh fuck!" sero cursed, running to the edge of the roof. "jump guys!"

one by one, everyone jumped until it was me left.

i stepped onto the ledge, slipping off my shoes.

"one.." i took a deep breath.

"two..

three.."

"jump." i said, jumping off of the edge.

i can only imagine what my body looked like when i hit the pavement.. the terror on my friend's faces when they found my body.

but as everything went black.. i saw my mom. and i was able to tell her one last time:

"i love you, hag."