I'll Do Anything for You {Oka x Shin Rewritten}

Complicated

{Oka's POV}

My feelings for Shin have been very complicated.

Ever since that kiss, I didn't know what to think.

I guess my best friend has been in love with me for awhile.

Have I been that blind?

I mean, I've also had feelings for him. I've always been thinking about him when I was with Budo.

Budo.

When Shin kissed me, he stole my first kiss that was meant for someone I think I'd spend the rest of my life with. . . But I wanted it again. I haven't stopped thinking about it. He was so gentle, and so calm about it. He was so. . . dreamy. I really wanted another one.

But, maybe he was just experimenting? Like, he just wanted to see how it felt. And yet, something inside of me says he does like me. And I think he does.

He's always been over protective of me. He shows me affection too. He likes to look at me, too. It's odd.

After the kiss, I was actually wanting to break up with Budo. I didn't stay faithful to him, and I'd feel guilty if we kept dating. I guess I didn't have to feel guilty about it anymore. Seems like we're both unfaithful. So I think this was a good decision to make.

It was the final day before school and Aunt Cherry went to my school to tell them I'm going to have a leave of absence. I was sitting on my bed with my cat by my side. It was lonely, but I've gotten used to the solemn solitary state I'm in. I've always liked being alone, I had no choice anyway. But the forlorn silence gets very overwhelming, and that's when I'd think too much. And usually, I'd think of my dream life. Married, with kids, a career in both ballet and paranormal research, and my meatball by my side. Midnight was always the best company I could have. Even though she never spoke a word, she listens to me and rubs her face against my arms. Sometimes I wonder if she's saying, "it's okay, mama, I'm always here for you."

Always here.

My mind wandered back to the kiss Shin stole from me. I gently touched my bottom lip, feeling how cracked and dry it was. Sometimes I wonder why Budo ever liked me. I'm so. . . ugly. And I've got no. . . y'know, assets. I'm flat, like an ironing board. And he seems like the type of guy to go after women who are a little more thicker than I am. I was like a slice of cheese compared to other girls, even my friends. I'm just plain. Maybe people like plain girls that are flat like ironing boards and look like they haven't slept for years with hair like a giant forest that rests upon a pale boiled egg. I'm a pale boiled egg compared to everyone else. Who would ever want to love me? I don't blame Budo for cheating, actually. I didn't provide much but a few teeth marks and bruises on his shoulders. And somehow he understood that I wasn't ready for a lot of things, I am quite young.

I'm very young.

I've barely even started my life, and so far it's just been about dancing and being overwhelmingly sad. And now I'm thinking about the only two boys in the world who love me. At least, I think. I sighed and laid down on my bed, and Midnight laid next to me. My bed was really comfy. It's here where I like to dream about how my life could've been. I still would've had my pink room that appa* painted for me, and he would've painted it any colored I wanted. And eomma* would me curry whenever I was sad. She would be making me son right now. I miss her curry so much. I actually really love curry, it's one of my favorite foods. I miss her cooking. I miss my family. And in this bed is where I ponder about the rest of my life. Married, with kids, a career in two fields I love, and my cat. Married. I want to get married. I want to feel the love of someone sleeping next to me. I like thinking of the married life, even if my spouse was always faceless and androgynous. At this point, I'd accept any kind of love. Maybe that's why I was so quick to date Budo, even if he was my bully. Maybe someone dared him to go out with me. I think I'm really desperate.