Lovers

Therapy

Quick, what musical has the song I named this chapter after? Go! What a bop of a song, am I right ladies? Annyywwaaayyy, I'm so sorry it has been so long since I updated last lol. I was struggling to find writing motivation for a few days but I'm doing better now and really excited for what's coming! In the meantime, enjoy this one! Comment/vote please and thank you! Xxx
-ab

—————————————-

October 26, 2028

Harper

"You're sure that you're going to be okay by yourself at that appointment today?" Patrick asks me.

"I'll be okay," I nod. Today is the day that I've been scheduled to see to talk with a therapist, and I'm slightly terrified, in all honesty.

"And you promise me that you'll actually show up?"

"So long as nothing tragic happens," I reply, trying to make a light-hearted joke, in spite of the anxiety bubbling inside of me. "If I get hit by a car on the way to the tube and I have to be rushed to the hospital, then I won't be attending the appointment."

"Dear god, Harper. Don't be so morbid," he replies, but there's a slight laugh hidden in my husband's voice. "Remember, my mum will be here at 15:00, which should give you plenty of time to make it to the 15:30 appointment. Make sure you grab dinner between the appointment and going to the theatre for your show. I love you, and I hope that you have a great day, and I want you to text me about how it went."

Patrick speaks as though he's mentally checking off items of a list of things he wants to say.

"I love you, honey, and I'm proud of you for doing this."

"Thanks," I say. I give him a kiss, and then, he has to be on his way to work.

As the day crawls along, I start to grow more and more anxious about my upcoming appointment, but I try to distract myself by playing with Millie. When Elizabeth arrives to babysit, however, I know that I have to face the facts: this is actually something that I have to go and do.

"Thank you so much for coming again today," I tell my mother-in-law, as I'm gathering my things. She babysat yesterday, as well, since I had two shows. "Please, let us pay you today..."

"Absolutely not," she rolls her eyes. "I'm a retired woman. What would I have to do that's better than spending time with my grandbaby? Plus, I don't need the money."

"You are so amazing," I tell her. "Thank you so much."

I give Millie kisses, then leave her with Elizabeth as I hop on the tube, following the instructions that Patrick gave me to get to the therapist's office.

I find the building quite easily, and timidly go in and check in with the receptionist. After about five minutes of fiddling with my fingers anxiously in the waiting area, I'm called in for my session.

The lady looks nice, and she has some friendly looking decor in her office. She instructs me to take a seat on the sofa, so I do.

"Harper, right?" she says, glancing quickly at her computer. "Your husband made this appointment because he thinks you needed it?"

I laugh a little bit, uncomfortably. That makes me sound like a child, but it's the truth. "Yeah..."

"Okay, awesome. I'm Dr. Ritter, by the way." She extends her hand for a handshake, which I accept. "So, today, I just want to talk to get an idea of your situation, alright? I want to hear what you're thinking. I know a bit about why your husband has sent you to me, but I always like to know your perspective, as well."

I nod, still fiddling with my fingers, and I can feel my face burning red.

"I don't want you to be embarrassed about saying anything, becuase we have complete confidentiality, and being here is nothing to be ashamed of. You'd be amazed at how many people come to some form of therapy at some point in their life."

I just nod, still unable to form a very coherent sentence.

"So, Harper," Dr. Ritter says, clearly realizing that she is going to have to start this conversation, "tell me. What is your home life like?"

"It's good," I stammer. "My husband, Patrick, and I just had a beautiful, incredible little baby girl, so it's just the three of us."

"Congratulations on your new arrival," Dr. Ritter tells me. "Are you back to work yet?"

"Yeah, it was pretty 'go, go, go' after she came, honestly. She was born on the 16th of April, and I started my rehearsals right after the Les Mis bombings."

"Are you an actress?"

"Yeah, I'm working as Fantine in Les Mis right now," I reply.

"That's not an easy schedule with a little one," she notes.

"I know, but Patrick and I have been making it work." I can feel myself getting quickly defensive. I don't think that it was a judgmental comment, but I've had many people judge me for doing this show with an infant at home. "It was something that I felt like I needed... I guess that I can't really explain why, but I couldn't just sit around and feel like I was doing nothing after the bombing in late May. I spent over a year in the show as Cosette, and it's my absolute favourite musical."

"I understand completely," Dr. Ritter says to me. "It takes a lot of courage to be able to admit that need when you think that there's somewhere else that you should be."

I keep talking with her, and gradually grow more comfortable. It's a nice conversation, but eventually, she circles it around to the topic I've been avoiding.

"So, your husband thinks you're having some body image issues."

I let out a sigh. "He seems to feel that way."

"Could you tell me a bit more about that?"

"It has been on and off for a long time, but I still have a little bit of baby weight that has been concerning me recently."

"Are you eating a normal diet still?"

"Yeah..."

"Has there ever been a time when you've changed your eating habits?"

"Um... yeah..." I stare at my hands in my lap. "But that was only for a little bit, and it was a few years ago, and it really didn't last more than a few days, because Patrick caught me doing it and he told me I had to fix it or he would make me come here... which, I am, now."

"So, he wasn't satisfied with the way you fixed it?"

"Um, I guess not..." It makes me sad to wonder if I've possibly disappointed Patrick.

Dr. Ritter nods, before questioning me a bit more on the topic, then shifting her focus. I'm grateful when that happens.

It isn't too much longer before the session is over.

"Harper, it was nice getting to know you today," she says. "I think I've got an idea of how I can help you, alright love?"

I give her a little smile. "Thank you."

"Go ahead and schedule your session for next week at the front desk, and have a nice rest of your day. Do you have a show this evening?"

"Yeah, I'm headed to the theatre after this."

"Have a good show, then," she says. "Bye, now."

"Bye," I say, giving her an awkward little wave before walking out of her room.

That wasn't so bad.