The Folly of Love

|| 15 ||

10th Dec 1998

Sameer watched her rigid back, as she stood in the distance staring at the pool. Based on the numerous times he had gazed at his watch since he spied her after excusing himself from the dancing, she had been standing like that for at least twenty minutes.

What are you thinking Naina? He mentally kicked himself for asking that question. What kind of stupid question is that?! Of course, she's thinking about that night, and how it all started by the pool.

Over the years, Sameer had tried to analyse the morale predicament of what had happened. Agreed, he had not set out to seduce her that night, but neither had he tried to truly control his urges in those moments. That she had not stopped him at any point, or said no, should be enough to absolve him of any wrongdoing. And yet, sometimes, it didn't feel enough. He couldn't make any sense of this feeling. Because her every eager kiss, tender caress, throaty moan, and the scratches on his back that she had left in the throes of passion, had all screamed yes, again and again.

Sometimes he wondered, if he had rushed things that night, because of the restlessness raising in him due to the unacknowledged and unaddressed fear of their time together ending soon. Had she done the same? Was she now consumed by these same dilemmas too?

Whatever she thought or felt, he knew that for him, instead of extinguishing any fires, it had only condemned him to keep burning for her for the years to come.

The intensity of his yearning for her was beyond any rationale. Try as may, he couldn't make it seem logical. She had her own allure, but she wasn't some super model gracing the pages of fashion magazines. She was bright, but not someone who had earned awards for any huge contribution to the betterment of humankind. She wasn't the first girl he had kissed or slept with. And yet, the time with her had managed to eclipse all other memories of his past.

What did that girl of five feet and two inches have that he felt adrift after her?

This, not understanding, of why she made him feel this way, drove him to distraction. At times, he had been angry at her for affecting him so much, and at other times, he had been livid at himself for allowing her memories to dominate him so much. But she was like a bloody bug that he had caught and just couldn't shake off! She had invaded his entire being and captured his body and soul.

Maybe, that is where the problem lay, his logical brain not being able to undersatnd and accept the illogical whims of his heart. Maybe, life would have been much simpler, had he not tried to rationalize his longing for her.

Naina still stood seemingly staring at the pool. It seemed like she had finished all her duties for the day. Sameer stood deliberating whether this would be a good time to approach her. But every two minutes someone or the other would stop by him.

Just as he ended his conversation with some uncle from Delhi, Kabir turned up with two more glasses and a plate heaped with finger foods. "Hey, did you try the Tandoori Paneer Tikka? It's just awesome man!" he thrust the plate forward till Sameer popped one in his mouth and then another nodding his head in approval. Sameer muttered "And go a little easy on the drinks. I don't want another lecture from Mom, or few more taunts from Hitler Dadi!" Kabir chuckled "Boy, you are definitely aging prematurely!"

Has she fallen asleep standing up? How can anyone stand still for so long?! He glanced in her direction restlessly.

One of kids by the pool jumped in the water with a loud shriek. Naina was jolted out of her reminiscing. She contemplated on returning to her colleagues but could not stomach the prospect of another long-winded monologue from Guptaji. Also, she needed some time to compose herself, just in case she ran into him.