Guard the Heart

Wakas

It's bitter sweet to finally end the story. But anyway, I want to express my deepest gratitude to all of you readers (silent, voter and loud). It's a great honor to be part of your quarantine journey. Sana kahit papaano natuwa naman kayo. Haha! But on a serious note, thank your for giving Juancho and Santina the chance, in the same way giving me the opportuniy to be heard. For the warm support, thank you so much!

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WAKAS

I was grinning as I looked at the diamond ring I personally bought. It's a solitaire ring: big fine rock on top of a white gold band. Binalik ko ito sa maliit na kahon at bumaling kay Dacer na may mapanuyang ngisi. Kahit sina Rufus at Lourd ay nakatingin na rin. We are at the backstage waiting for our turn.

"You're really damn serious, huh?"

"Oh boy, Juancho the great is settling down. Is this a miracle?"

They all laughed.

They have no fucking idea.

Commitment. Marriage. Family. Love. These words weren't really in my vocabulary. Heck, I don't even have an inkling idea of how it works. I grew up in an environment that rarely saw these. It all fucks up in the end. Just like my parents. My perception is twisted but that's just what it is for me.

I would rather play around than commit. More so, I don't believe in marriage and family. It will eventually fail one way or another. And for me, love is just romanticizing lust. That's mostly the problem with women. I can't give them that. I am only up for pleasure nothing more, nothing less. Yes, I am a twenty-first-century jerk.

Para sa akin, music is the only real thing... but that was before her.

Santina was definitely naïve. I admit I wasn't really serious the first time I asked her out. Wala lang. I am bored and I find her amusing. She wasn't the first die-hard fan who has shown her admiration for me, but she was the sincerest of them all, I must say.

Of course, my intention wasn't really that pure. I am a man and definitely not a saint at that. She is an easy target, very transparent, and easy to read. Obviously, she likes me, but she isn't the kind that gives motive. Well, I can easily do something about that... but then she awakens something in my system for the very first time and I can't even name it.

I just found myself waiting for her after her shifts and just contented with a conversation. Hindi ko alam kung bakit sa kalagitnaan ng kung ano'ng ginagawa ay bigla na lang siyang pumapasok sa isipan ko. It bothers me. I don't think about a woman that way, I always remember them naked and panting.

At first, I was convincing myself that maybe I just wanted a taste of hers. She's just a craving that needs to be satisfied. But that wasn't the case anymore.

"You don't get it... I like you... I want you to be my girlfriend."

I sounded so foreign in my own ears. I don't do girlfriends, well, I keep one sometimes just to show off. Not really in a romantic way. Hindi rin naman nagtatagal.

"Gusto mo akong... maging g-girlfriend? Bakit ako?" She looked shocked na para bang napaka-imposible ng sinasabi ko.

See? She's that naïve. For the longest time that we were going out she just assumed that it was a friendly gesture which I don't really do.

"Why not?"

"Eh kasi, Juancho, ano... wala naman kasing something sa akin para magustuhan mo."

And very vocal, too. She never pretends whenever she is with me. She doesn't try to impress or please me. Laging nagsasabi ng totoong nararamdan ang kanyang mga mata. Her excitement, thrill, hesitation, and nervousness always show in her eyes.