The Difference Between Getting and Needing

f o r t y - t w o

We didn't stay a minute longer once the dishes were done. We said our goodbyes, pretended like Mr. Monahan's explosive reaction to our news didn't happen, then headed back to my parent's house where Gus spent the rest of the day with my dad and my brothers. My mom and I didn't know what the boys were up to, so we had a heart-to-heart which was oddly refreshing because I couldn't even remember the last time we did that.

By six, we were on our way back to Philly. It should have taken us about two hours to get home, but the Sunday night traffic was godawful for whatever reason and we ended up being stuck in the car for almost three hours instead.

I tried to get something, anything, out of Gus during the excruciating car ride, but he wasn't having it. All I got were head shakes, noncommittal grunts, and blank stares. Rather than continue on with my failed cross-examination, I stopped.

I didn't want to be pissed off, I didn't want to start a fight – I wanted him to fucking open up and talk to me. It was hard not to feel angry when he was showing me glimpses of his old self.

We barely made it through the door of our apartment at just past nine o'clock when Gus mumbled, "I'm taking a shower."

"O"–he bolted for our bedroom before I could get the whole word out–"kay."

My shoulders dropped, as did my spirit.

I knelt to the floor so I could unhook Ziggy's leash, letting out a drained sigh when our eyes met. He blinked back at me, tilting his spotted head to the side in curiosity. I kissed his nose for an answer.

Once I heard the water turn on in the shower, I threw my bags into the bedroom and parked myself at the island in the kitchen. I clicked on the second name in my list of favorite contacts on my phone and waited impatiently as it rang. There was only one person I wanted to call, and since I didn't have Wayne in my back pocket, Collin was my chosen therapist at the moment.

"Hey!" He answered joyfully. "Are you home? How'd it go this weekend?"

I propped my chin up with the hand that wasn't holding my phone and groaned. My hesitant response was all he needed.

"Yikes. That bad?"

"Sutton's probably plotting my death as we speak, my parents were surprisingly really cool with it, and Gus' dad was... Gus' dad," I summarized for him. "What more can I say?"

I could picture his frown as he said, "I'm sorry."

"His mom and his sisters were happy, obviously. His dad flipped out and I know it's bothering him but he refuses to talk to me," I grumbled, pressing my fingers into my temple. "I just hope this doesn't send him down a dark path. We've come so far, you know? I don't wanna see him go back to his old self again because of this."

"He won't, but he needs your support more than ever right now," Collin reassured me. "You're right when you say you guys have come so far. You're like brand new people, you have what it takes to make sure this doesn't get out of hand. I think you know better than anyone what to do to bring him back before he's too far gone."

I nodded in understanding, and even though he couldn't see me, there was no need for me to tell him I believed him. I had no reason not to because everything he said was true. For better or for worse, I was here for Gus. I'd be damned if I let this come between us and destroy what we worked so hard for.

Our first therapy session as a couple came to mind. Wayne had asked Gus about the things I could do to show him how much I loved him, and those keywords flashed above my head like the winning answers on Wheel of Fortune.