The Difference Between Getting and Needing

t w e n t y - s i x

we're smiling but we're close to tears,
even after all these y e a r s . . .

〰️〰️〰️

My sister was marrying a smart man, there was no doubt about that. I couldn't create her a better future husband myself.

But god damnit, it was infuriating sometimes how optimistic he was.

As the designated mediator of our family, ideally in his mind he wanted Gus and I to start working on things. Right away. While I was more of a I'll-get-to-it-when-I-get-to-it kind of person, Koa operated more along the lines of why-waste-more-time?

I forgot how to walk the second that my eyes connected with Gus'. Every other person in the spacious hotel lobby faded away like someone took an eraser to a drawing. Every sound became muffled, every emotion heightened, every single thing that wasn't him became irrelevant. It was almost like we saw each other for the first time all over again.

Now I was a People Pleaser, but I was also a Master of Procrastination. The former was off the table for the time being. I had come so far to get through this wedding, so I was putting my relationship on the back burner. Procrastination mode was in motion and there was nothing anyone could do to change that.

After a few seconds, Koa noticed I had dropped back and was no longer walking in step with him. He whipped his head around, his eyes rolling when he saw my frozen frame as he traipsed back to me.

"Come on," he tried coaxing me along, reaching for my arm. "Let's go say hi."

I recoiled from him and spluttered, "A-are you crazy?"

He cocked his head at me skeptically. "No. Are you?"

I was clutching the straps of my beach bag so tight that I had no feeling in my fingers. My eyes were bulging out of their sockets, gaping at my almost brother-in-law like he just asked me to commit murder. To a stranger, I definitely looked like I was off my rocker.

"I-I haven't seen him in like, a month. What am I supposed to say?" I spat.

A hundred frantic questions bounced between my brain. Do I wave? Can I make a run for it? What's he thinking about? Is he bitter that we were supposed to share a room but now he has to get his own? Is he happy to see me?

Despite my obvious reluctance, Koa draped his lanky arm around my shoulders and dragged me along his side as we took our time crossing the lobby.

"Maybe, like, hi? Thanks for coming? Good to see you? I love you?" He quipped.

I shook my head. "You and Sutton are so meant for each other," I grumbled to myself.

The Monahan's were at one of the designated kiosks for check in. Mrs. Monahan was chatting up a storm with the concierge while her husband was expectedly on the phone looking like the sharpest dressed man in the room, maybe on the whole island. Gus stood right next to them, in the fur-lined denim jacket he only wore when it was freezing outside (which at home it was), his prized gray joggers, and those old sneakers he resorted to wearing after Ziggy got his paws on his favorite pair. His sisters were behind him, engaged in their own sleepy conversation and oblivious to anything around them.