One Kiss Later (K. Baudelaire)

Chapter 30

Candie

Klaus says standing up. "Klaus, do you have an objection?" Justice Strauss asked. "Klaus what are you doing?" Violet asks, also standing up. "Justice Strauss says our word is enough to convince the judges but it's never been enough to convince anyone before, and Count Olaf knows that." Klaus says, "They need to hear from someone else. Once who knows all the wicked things Count Olaf has done, someone who wouldn't pass up the chance to speak in front of a crowd." I get up and stand next to them.

"Baudelaires, is there something wrong?" Justice Strauss asked. "Not at all, Your Honor. We'd like to call some witnesses of our own." Violet explains. "A witness calling a witness? That's highly unusual." She states. "But not impossible." I chime in. "According to a book in criminal law, a witness may question another witness if they're acting in loco advocatus." Klaus explained. "In the role of an attorney.  I see you've kept us your legal studies, but wouldn't you rather see this story over, once and for all?" She asked them. "We would. That's why we have to do this." Klaus continued. "The floor is yours, Baudelaires." "Thank you, Your Honor." Violet says, "We call Count Olaf to the stand!"

The jury gasped, Count Olaf smiled wickedly, "You may applaud." He said, walking up to the stand. I sat back down to observe.

"Will the defendant state his name." "Count Olaf"

"Occupation?" "Impresario."

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" "I've never told a lie in my life." Count Olaf said. "That's a lie!" "You can't prove that." "That's the whole point of this trial." "Ah, but I've always been honest about my desires, orphans: you, maimed or dead, and your fortunes in my rarely-washed hands. That's more that the rest of these people can say." Count Olaf smiled wickedly.

"These people are here to help us." "Help you? Look around. I see a banker who cares more about a promotion than three orphans." He starts "Vice president of Orphan Affairs." Mr. Poe corrects. "I see a man who was too afraid to protect you, and a woman who values paperwork over people's lives. I see a vice principal who was more than happy to let me into his school, as long as I stroked his ego." He continued "That's a lie! He only stroked my... violin." Vice Principal Nero corrected. I cringed at where he was about to go with that sentence. "I see rich people who only cares about you because you were 'in,' and villagers who only took you in to do their chores. I see volunteers whose complicated codes and pretentious literal references are useless against the real treacheries of the world. A justice so blind she let me marry you, and possibly the most outrageous of them all, a girl who almost turned on you because of her little sister and a little heartbreak." Count Olaf said looking straight at me. "No, it wasn't like that I-" "These so-called decent people have don't ore to help my schemes than any of my associates. They should be up here right now."

I looked down. What he said was kind of true. I almost left Violet, Klaus and Sunny for my little sister that doesn't care if I'm there or not and because Klaus broke up with me. I felt horrible.

"Well they're not. You are." Klaus defended. "Yes... but you're up here too, Baudelaires. Tell me... on Mount Fraught, what despicable act did you preform to rescue your sister?" He asked them. I winced. "We held Esmé-" "Um, louder, please, for the Court." "We held Esmé Squalor hostage-" "And when you needed to reach V.F.D. headquarters in the Mortmain Mountains, what did you help me do?" "Burn down Caligari Carnival, but-"

"Let's hear from some witnesses. You!" Count Olaf said pointing at someone in the crowd, "Who causes all the terrible accidents at Lucky Smells Lumbermill?" The man stood up, "Klaus Baudelaire, but-" "You!" Count Olaf said pointing to another person in the crowd. "Who stole Hal's keys and broke into the library at Heimlich Hospital?" This time, a woman stood up. "Violet Baudelaire but-" "You in the crow hat!" He said pointing again, "After the Baudelaires were accused of murder in the Village of Fowl Devotees, did they accept their punishment?" "That baby busted them out of jail!" A woman yelled. "You were going to burn us at the stake!" Klaus justified. "Well..." The woman trailed off. "And I don't need to ask who shot Dewey Denouement, for I was there. It was Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelai-"